NOVA SCOTIA – The province of PEI finally returned a borrowed lawn mower from 10 years ago to its neighbours in Nova Scotia. “The lawn mower is making a funny noise now and they didn’t fill…
To be perfectly honest, I couldn’t give a shit what you have to say to me
By a Voice Recorder Listen. First off, I know we’ve been working together for quite some time. I appreciate your loyalty when you could easily buy a more modern and convenient iPod touch with a b…
Machismo exhibited by not holding pole in subway car
TORONTO – Local commuter Jeff Saunders impressed passengers on a subway car when he abstained from holding the pole as the train came to a halt, sources reported last week. As the subway de…
Guy that lives in suburbs tells everyone he lives downtown
PICKERING, ON – Suburban citizen Jake Laysley tells everyone he meets that he lives downtown, despite the 1.5-hour driving commute it takes him to arrive in Toronto from his house in Picker…
Vancouver Canucks mascot returned to wild
VANCOUVER – Buckling under mounting pressure from animal rights activists, the Vancouver Canucks released their mascot, Fin the Whale, back into the wild earlier this week. Fin, a lovable k…
Dejected Rob Ford builds model subway line linking basement rec room to basement storage room
TORONTO – Despite pleas from all his sane family members not to go through with it, Toronto Mayor Rob Ford has invested thousands of household dollars to build a model subway line linking h…
Parents can’t decide who favourite kid is
WINNIPEG, MA – After discussing the matter at length, Becky and Ricky Calder are still unable to decide which of their two kids is their favourite. “Jenny’s got a lot going for her in the l…
North Korea looking for used rockets on Craigslist
PYONGYANG, NORTH KOREA – Following their failed rocket launch two weeks ago, North Korea’s scientists are scrapping their research and development program to concentrate on obtaining a work…
