GATINEAU, QC – Dozens have been hospitalized in Gatineau county yesterday following a failed attempt to fry the world’s largest beaver tail.
Town residents were looking to make the record books by frying a massive pastry, shaped like a beaver tail and measuring over 23-meters wide and 48-meters long, but poor planning and unexpected complications led many participants and onlookers to suffer injuries.
According to those involved, things went smoothly during the dough preparation and stretching stages, but problems occurred when the massive beaver tail-shaped piece of dough was transported by air towards an Olympic-sized swimming pool specially built to accommodate enough peanut oil to fry the giant pastry.
As four army helicopters (rented for the event) lowered a custom-built steel grate containing the uncooked dough, one of the cables unfortunately snapped, causing a large portion of the dough to slide out and fall onto a group of terrified orphans that had been let out for the day to see history in the making.
“It was like Pompeii,” said one horrified bystander. “Only with dough. And the people could still move around a bit.”
Those not completely smothered by the dough were scalded by oil as other portions of beaver tail fell splashing into the approximately 200,000 litres of boiling hot oil.
“The splatter factor was unexpected,” a visibly distraught fireman told reporters. “What made matters worse was that we couldn’t get to the injured citizens with the dough blocking the road, and then our trucks got stuck in the starchy goo. We were never prepped for this kind of emergency at fireman’s training.”
Matters took a turn for the worse when the three helicopters, left to carry the burden of the weight of the dough, spun out of control. Two of the helicopters crashed into a nearby senior citizens’ home causing severe inconvenience.
Officials said it was not until the roads had been sufficiently cleared of uncooked pastry remains by crews and volunteers that injured citizens could be rushed to hospital. Many remain in critical condition. Three orphans are still missing from the event.
Authorities are describing this as the worst pastry related tragedy in decades.
“This is not how we wanted Quinnville to get on the map,” said event organizer, Albert Beaker.
“Let this be a lesson to us, and to any other community out there that longs to rise from the shadows of the Sudburys or the Drumhellers with their big Nickels and giant Dinosaurs: The risk in which you put your citizens is not worth the glitz and glamour.”
Although residents are disheartened that they will not be recognized for frying the world’s largest beaver tail, Guinness officials are currently adding Quinnville’s pool – the one specifically built to fry the giant pastry – to its record books, as it comes in slightly larger than the pool previously ranked largest on their list.
with files by Keith Cochrane