MONTREAL – A new study into your workplace’s efficiency habits has found that all the meetings you zone out in at work could easily have been replaced with an email that you would’ve preten…
Cast of “Come From Away” pitch new ending where the Americans get beat up
TORONTO – The cast and crew of the current Toronto production of Come From Away have debuted a new ending where instead of forming lasting bonds of friendship, the people of Gander, Newfoun…
Canada seeks new country to rip off every part of our culture from
OTTAWA – As Canada works to separate our economy from the increasingly chaotic United States, the Canadian government is also searching for a new country to shamelessly copy for our entire …
Poilievre refuses to believe carbon tax is dead until a body is produced
OTTAWA – Despite Prime Minister Mark Carney announcing that his government would be axing the carbon tax, opposition leader Pierre Poilievre refuses to believe that the dreaded bill is gone…
Trump assures Canadians he will ruin the rest of the world’s economy too
WASHINGTON, D.C. – In the wake of accusations that he is singling Canada out with his economic attacks, US President Donald Trump has assured the press that he will also eventually financia…
Experts fear Trump administration will corrupt beacon of integrity Doug Ford
WASHINGTON D.C. – With Ontario Premier Doug Ford currently visiting White House officials, some analysts are concerned US President Donald Trump might try to corrupt the earnest. “Up here i…
Ford unsure how to fight back against country with already ruined healthcare system
QUEEN’S PARK – Ontario Premier Doug Ford is reportedly starting to feel he may have bitten off more than he can chew in his attacks on the United States after realizing they are immun…
Local cat thinks she’s better than you and is probably right
KINGSTON, ON – Following a careful side-by-side comparison between your life and that of that one cat in your neighborhood who acts like you aren’t worth the dirt on her paws, a panel of ex…
Record-breaking Prince Edward Island manhunt enters 3rd hour
CHARLOTTETOWN, PEI – Law enforcement officers have confirmed that an ongoing search for an escaped convict, nearing 3 hours, is slated to be the longest someone has been able to evade the a…
Makers of Funko Pop confirm figures can no longer steal your soul
EVERETT, WA – The manufacturers of the inexplicably popular Funko Pop figures have announced that they have finally fixed the design flaw that allowed the dolls to suck the astral being out…
