BANFF NATIONAL PARK – Provincial wildlife experts are warning hikers, skiers and snowmobilers that we’ve entered the most active period of the Yeti mating season and forestested areas are n…
Antichrist able to hire five horsewomen of the apocalypse for the cost of four horsemen
WASHINGTON, DC – In light of the fast-approaching end times, the Antichrist has elected to take advantage of a gender wage gap that sees women earn approximately 20% less than men by hiring…
Google Maps error sends local couple to howling void
HOWLING VOID – Charlaine and Zach Cooper are livid after an error in their Google Maps app caused them to drive straight into the howling void. “You hear about Google accidentally sending p…
Senate refuses to pass bill removing all references to Bigfoot from “O Canada”
OTTAWA – The Senate continues to refuse to pass a House bill that would remove all references to the simian cryptid known as Bigfoot from Canada’s national anthem. “I’m tired of the PC poli…
Hallmark Channel pivots to all Goth Christmas programming
STUDIO CITY, CA – Announcing a major shift in tone, the Hallmark Channel is set to launch a new slate of all Goth Christmas programming for festive Goths. “Our audience was tired of watchin…
Autocorrect nightmare: Typo in Bill C-45 legalizes cannibalism instead of cannabis
OTTAWA – Canada is one step closer to the accidental legalization of cannibalism after the House of Commons passed a typo-ridden Bill C-45, formerly known as The Cannabis Act. “I think no o…
Panic grips Vancouver after massive flaming ball appears in sky
VANCOUVER – After over one hundred years of continuous rain, a phenomenon experts are calling “the sun” appeared in the skies over Vancouver today, causing widespread alarm, sporadic riotin…
So long, Zed: New guidelines say last letter of alphabet should be pronounced ‘Zouble-you’
OTTAWA – Experts at the Canadian Institute of Alphabet Studies have released new guidelines saying the 26th letter of the modern Latin alphabet should be pronounced ‘Zouble-you.’ “It’s a gr…
Unknown generation sought for questioning after brutal murder of local industry
THE CITY – Following the shocking murder of an aging industry, police are seeking an unknown generation for questioning about the crime. “At this point, the generation we’re looking for not…
New streaming service has all the movies from your childhood you never realized contain a sexual assault
SAN FRANCISCO – New start-up streaming service WatchThis (short for Why Did My Parents Let Me Watch This) promises all the nostalgia you can stomach by featuring movies you loved as a kid t…
