Hallmark Channel pivots to all Goth Christmas programming - The Beaverton
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Hallmark Channel pivots to all Goth Christmas programming

STUDIO , CA – Announcing a major shift in tone, the Channel is set to launch a new slate of all Christmas programming for festive Goths.

“Our audience was tired of watching blonde fashion magazine editors choose between blandly handsome pharma CEOs and ruggedly handsome lumberjacks,” said Hallmark Channel president Liz Armstrong. “Now they get to see depressed ‘zine editors choose between sickly death-metal record label CEOs and abnormally tall undertakers.”

such as The Dark Prince & Me, A Christmas Dirge, and It’s A Wonderful Knife will start airing on Hallmark this week, culminating in their nihilist New Year’s Eve special, which is just an hour-long in memoriam reel.

“Not everything is changing,” Armstrong said. “The plots will still be extraordinarily simple, the will still be fake, and the casts will still be extremely .”

Hallmark is also considering changing the tone of its murder mystery programming, from cozy small town whodunits where perky bakers solve murders to gritty inner city dramas where perky bakers solve the opioid epidemic.