By The Beaverton Conservative Leader Andrew Scheer claims to support free speech. At least when it suits HIS causes, like the Wilfrid Laurier TA debacle. But given his lack of outrage over a Cath…
Loblaws to merge Optimum and PC Plus into one card you never remember
TORONTO – After acquiring Shoppers Drug Mart three years ago Loblaw Companies Limited has announced plans to merge the Optimum and PC Plus rewards plans into a single card you always mean t…
Ontario pot plan requires all recreational users to smoke in single basement in Sudbury
TORONTO – Unveiling their new plan for how recreational weed will be consumed moving forward the Ontario Liberals have announced that all would be smokers will need to gather at a single ba…
Nation can’t remember what Stephen Harper looks like
OTTAWA – In the wake of Stephen Harper’s open letter on the NAFTA renegotiations the entire nation of Canada has realized they no longer have any idea what their previous prime minister looks lik…
Quebec demands English Canada recognize its distinct racism
QUEBEC CITY – The government of Quebec has passed a new law banning the Niqab as a way to prove that their brand of racism is unique and independent from the racism prevalent in the rest of…
Nation could really use Gord Downie’s songwriting to help them process Gord Downie’s death
KINGSTON – Waking up to the news of Gord Downie’s death, the nation was forced to confront the fact that the only thing that could help them deal with this tragedy would be a moving b…
CRA to impose 40% tax on short, fleeting moments when retail workers feel alive
OTTAWA – In a document posted on its website Canada Revenue Agency has announced that, moving forward, all of the country’s retail workers will be required to give the government 40% of the…
Courageous actors speak out against Harvey Weinstein now that he can’t affect their careers
HOLLYWOOD – Showing the fortitude the entertainment industry is known for, numerous actors have come forward to condemn accused sexual predator Harvey Weinstein now that he has no power to …
America terrified newly released O.J. Simpson will steal memorabilia again
L.A. – Americans from coast to coast are reporting a deep fear that infamous criminal Orenthal James (O.J.) Simpson will once again commit the deed for which he is most known: breaking into…
Duolingo app keeps telling people to kill in multiple languages
SILICON VALLEY – Popular languages app duolingo has begun using its friendly, interactive interface to instruct millions of people trying to improve their second language to commit brutal, …
