TORONTO – After acquiring Shoppers Drug Mart three years ago Loblaw Companies Limited has announced plans to merge the Optimum and PC Plus rewards plans into a single card you always mean to bring with you but accidentally leave at home.
“One of the benefits of our merger is flexibility,” said C.E.O. Galen Weston Jr. “Just like you can now buy President’s Choice products at Shoppers, you can now also totally mean to bring your PC Optimum card to any of our stores, before realizing you left it in your other jacket.”
“And you won’t lose any of the points you would have accumulated had you ever remembered to just put the card in your wallet.”
The new plan is expected to increase efficiency in terms of point accumulation and redemption. It is also expected to reduce the amount of time you spend at the cash register frantically searching for your rewards card before you ultimately give up so as to not piss off the people behind you by 50%.
At press time you were at the movies and don’t tell me you forgot your fucking Scene card again!