OTTAWA – Canadian Blood Services says it is in urgent need of new donors before Labour Day, or else it may have to resort to the drastic measure of reversing an arbitrary ban on receiving d…
Saudi Arabia condemns Canada’s appalling human rights record of selling arms to Saudi Arabia
Riyadh, Saudi Arabia – In the wake of the diplomatic row over Canada’s support of political prisoners, Saudi Arabia continues to put out press releases and social media statements attacking…
Breaking: Man kicked off basic income pilot project still can’t afford beer
Hamilton, ON – In the wake of the Ford government’s statement that it was bringing ‘Buck a Beer’ back to Ontario by Labour Day, resident and, until this week, recipient of Ontario’s Basic I…
Friend has the balls to schedule wedding on long weekend
London, ON – Reports from the area have indicated that local man Steve Marchand had the sheer audacity to hold his wedding to Lisa Braxton on the Saturday of the August long weekend. “The b…
Condom ad quickly running out of visual metaphors to signify cumming
New York, NY – The writing team behind Durex Ultrathin’s latest commercial have hit a stumbling block after realizing they have used up every known visual cue to let the audience know the p…
Quiz: Can you pass the 1998 Sex-Ed Curriculum final exam?
As you may have heard from the people screaming about it online, Ontario’s new PC Government has announced they will be immediately repealing the 2015 Sex-Ed Curriculum, and “temporarily” replaci…
Rich friend suggests going to concert
CALGARY – Dave O’Neil, a local man who must have family money or something, has suggested to his group of friends that they all go see the upcoming Foo Fighters concert. “I think it would b…
Tory MPP Oosterhoff relieved 10 year olds will no longer know more about sex than him
Niagara West, ON – 20 year old MPP Sam Oosterhoff announced today that one reason he was so delighted to see the Sex-Ed curriculum repealed was that he was sick of all these ‘cocky…
Man eating Tim Hortons poutine hopefully going through a breakup or something
OAKVILLE – Visitors to a local Tim Hortons franchise were disturbed and appalled to see resident Thomas McNaughton eating one of Tim’s new poutines, a decision they truly hoped was the resu…
Man suffering heat stroke told not to complain about the heat because it often snows in January
TORONTO – Local man Kevin Meyer, debilitated by the effects of high temperatures, has been repeatedly told by friends and family not to complain about the heat because several months from n…
