WASHINGTON – Following a 13 hour binge-viewing of the newly released second season of the Netflix exclusive series House of Cards, the President of the United States of America has barricaded him…
Batman vs. Superman movie pushed back to 2016 because it’s going so awesome
HOLLYWOOD – A spokesperson for Warner Brothers announced this week that the planned sequel to “Man Of Steel” would have its release date postponed by a year, purely because the project was …
Poll: Canadians overwhelmingly in favour of Olympic hockey team overthrowing, leading government
Following today’s’ Team Canada 2014 Olympic hockey roster announcement, Canadians polled support the team of top athletes toppling the current Canadian government, and subsequently leading the co…
House Cats up to something
CALGARY – After observing the suspicious behaviour of his two pet cats, Milo and Muffy, local graphic designer Todd Perkins has concluded that they are definitely colluding against him for …
Local knob peruses entire craft beer menu before choosing same thing as companion
WINNIPEG – After exhaustively skimming the entire craft beer menu at neighborhood bar the Wheat Sheaf, 31-year-old jagoff Craig Benson eventually ordered the exact same beverage as his companion …
Chris Hadfield ejected from movie theatre for loudly heckling Gravity
WATERLOO, ON – Responding to numerous patron complaints, the staff of the Empire Theatres Waterloo reportedly removed famed Canadian astronaut Chris Hadfield after he would not stop heckling a sc…
Doctor Who fans celebrate release of long lost unwatchable episodes
Following the discovery of several 1960’s era Doctor Who tapes previously thought destroyed, Who fans are eagerly awaiting the release of the dated and plodding episodes that will undoubtedly be …
Harper proclaims prorogation, then lazily commands Governor General to dance
OTTAWA – From atop his gilded throne, ensconced in the the resplendent halls of Parliament Hill, Prime Minister Harper today sought his third prorogation since assuming office, before nonch…
BREAKING: Deep-fried-croissant bacon cheeseburger made by carney is bad for you
TORONTO – Following 12 cases of food poisoning linked to the “cronut burger,” the department of Public Health has shut down the Canadian National Exhibition stand and has warned customers t…
Chris Brown quits music industry to escape abusive relationship with media
LOS ANGELES – R&B singer Chris Brown has announced that, following the release of his album “X”, he will retire from the music industry after facing what he described as a “steady, unre…
