RIO DE JANEIRO – With a narrowly scored last-minute goal, the German World Cup team’s efficient and relentless play has triumphed over Argentina’s style, which was probably hot or spicy or …
World Pride commemorates time when gays couldn’t get sunburned and pay $5 for a bottle of water
TORONTO – On a beautifully cloudless day in downtown Toronto, millions of gays, LGBTQ supporters, and people of all walks gathered to remember a time when homosexuals couldn’t get gou…
Local man has more plans for zombie apocalypse than own retirement
VANCOUVER – Local tech blogger Scott McGrath has prepared a far more comprehensive plan for a hypothetical zombie pandemic than he ever has or ever will for his own future retirement. “It’s…
Men’s Rights Activists demand equal sexual harassment
KINGSTON – At a recent university rally, Men’s Right’s Activists demanded their “fair share” of Canada’s sexual harassment, and accused “militant feminists” of refusing to objectify them. Nearly …
Rob Ford: ‘Rehab is amazing – my favourite part is Space Mountain’
TORONTO – Speaking from an undisclosed location, embattled mayor Rob Ford told the Toronto Sun’s Joe Warmington that “rehab is amazing” and that he “went on Pirates of the Caribbean like th…
Thousands of Nintendo Power Gloves, severed hands, found in New Mexico landfill
ALAMOGORDO, N.M. — As a documentary crew searched the Alamogordo Landfill for long-lost copies of the Atari 2600 game E.T. The Extraterrestrial, a separate documentary crew has discovered hundred…
CNN anchors disappointed to discover Malaysian airline mystery just a regular tragedy
ATLANTA – Following weeks of wild round the clock speculation on the nature of the mysterious Malaysian Airlines disappearance, CNN anchors were disappointed to discover that the plane simply cra…
Harper reveals Canadian Ministry of Magic, announces sweeping cuts
OTTAWA – At a press conference today Prime Minister Stephen Harper made two announcements: first, he revealed the astounding truth of a government department that oversees Canada’s various …
Rob Ford dares Police Chief to arrest him before he poisons the Gotham reservoir
TORONTO – At a press conference, Toronto Mayor Rob Ford challenged Police Chief Bill Blair to apprehend him before he could carry out “yet another fiendishly wicked stroke of criminal genius”, an…
Harold Ramis becomes world’s funniest Class 5 Free-Roaming Vapour
CHICAGO – Early yesterday morning, surrounded by family and loved ones, acclaimed comedy writer/director Harold Ramis, age 69, crossed over to officially become the spirit world’s most hilarious …
