SYDNEY N.S. – Footage has emerged on social media revealing a nefarious breeze reaching up the clothing of dozens of different people to tickle or caress their bare skin without consent. A …
Local mom files Freedom of Information request regarding son’s new girlfriend
SAULT STE. MARIE, ON – Local mother Helena Nowak has resorted to bureaucratic methods to try to obtain information regarding the love life of her son, Adam, 22, and has filed a Freedom of I…
Toronto police bravely liberate park-goers from bottle of rosé
TORONTO – The Toronto Police Services are celebrating the bravery shown by officer Brian Murnane today as he successfully confiscated a bottle of wine in Trinity Bellwoods Park, restoring p…
Friendly neighbourhood cat just looking for good place to shit
KAMLOOPS, BC – Local domestic cat Mittens, known to many in his neighbourhood for spending his days prowling through backyards in apparent curiosity, is in fact curious only about which per…
Ministry of Natural Resources announces new dooring quotas in annual cyclist cull
TORONTO – As the weather warms up, heralding the return of dooring season, the Ontario Ministry of Natural Resources has released new guidelines for the number of cyclists that motorists wi…
Alberta UCP vows parents will be alerted at first sign child shows any progressive leanings
RED DEER, AB – The United Conservative Party passed a motion at their convention this past weekend to require that teachers notify parents if their children display signs of holding any sor…
Idiot loser arrives at event on time
MONTRÉAL – Wishing to attend a concert at local music venue Le Mixtape, systems analyst Brent O’Connell recently arrived at the advertised start time of 8:00 pm like the complete moron that he is…
Tourists devastated by senseless photobombing
VENICE, ITALY – A total of 41 visitors to the city of Venice were tragically photobombed earlier today according to local authorities. In a Facebook post 19 year old Queens University stude…
Grindr defends practice of messaging user’s father every time they call someone ‘daddy’
WEST HOLLYWOOD, CA – In response to claims that they have committed a massive breach of privacy, representatives for the gay dating app Grindr are defending the company’s policy of al…
Apple upgrade: Covering webcam now makes computer’s privacy-invading senses stronger
CUPERTINO, CA — In response to a growing trend of laptop users covering their webcam with bandages or tape in order to avoid being spied on, Apple CEO Tim Cook has announced that such measu…
