TORONTO – The federal Liberals recently-announced low-income housing strategy suggests that the fastest way of receiving subsidized housing is by becoming a Canadian Prime Minister. “What w…
Whiteout conditions experienced in Montreal mayor’s cabinet
MONTREAL – Montreal is experiencing whiteout conditions at Mayor Valérie Plante’s executive committee causing visibility problems for 30% of the city’s population. Meteorologists say …
Whitehorse grandfather from 2075 regales grandchildren about surviving with only 2 Starbucks locations
GREATER WHISTLE BEND AREA – An 88-year-old grandfather recounted another harrowing tale of survival when the fledgling Yukon capital only had a mere two Starbucks locations. “Back in my day…
Julian Fantino opens marijuana store in Veterans Affairs office he closed
WINDSOR, ON – Former Minister of Veterans Affairs Julian Fantino is opening up a pot shop in one of the nine Veterans Affairs offices he closed in 2014. The former Conservative MP turned ca…
Andrew Scheer’s new slogan: “You’re going to sit there and like Canada or I’m turning this car around!”
OTTAWA – Conservative Leader Andrew Scheer has released a new, stern motto: “You’re going to sit there and like Canada or I’m turning this car around!” The Conservative Party captured Schee…
Permanent road to Arctic Ocean means endangered species can hitchhike away from climate change
TUKTOYAKTUK, NT – With the completion of a permanent road connecting Inuvik to Tuktoyaktuk, endangered and at-risk species can finally flee the the effects of climate change by hitchhiking …
General Brock’s dying words: “Name a mediocre university after me”
An excerpt from The Beaverton Presents Glorious and/or Free: The True History of Canada. Available where books are sold. October 13th, 1812 QUEENSTON – With the Yankee foes vanquished from …
Spectator clearly pretending he understands rugby rules
GUELPH, ON – Early reports indicate that rugby spectator Marco Kelley has absolutely no idea about the rules of rugby union gameplay. For roughly 20 minutes, Kelley blended in with the othe…
Analysis: How will Montreal’s new mayor run the city with no experience in corruption?
MONTREAL – On Sunday, Montreal elected its first female mayor in the city’s 375 year history, but some political analysts are skeptical about Valérie Plante and her lack of experience in th…
Scheer: “The Governor General should remain impartial about the existence of gravity”
OTTAWA – Conservative Leader Andrew Scheer is slamming the Governor General for her biased comments supporting the laws of gravity. “There are millions of Canadians who were offended by Jul…
