“There are millions of Canadians who were offended by Julie Payette’s scientific proselytizing,” explained Scheer to reporters about the Vice-Regal’s support of Newton’s law of universal gravitation. “We should be more inclusive to those who believe that gravity does not exist, or who believe in many gravities. We can’t conclusively claim that what goes up must come down; I mean why are mountains still standing?”
The Leader of the Official Opposition said that the Governor General must remain impartial when it comes to statements on scientific evidence.
“What’s next? Governments advocating for people to get flu shots?” Scheer asked rhetorically, shrugging his shoulders.
Scheer clarified that he wasn’t anti-science, rather trying to accommodate the sacred views that the scientific method is the work of the devil.
“We should respect the beliefs of both people who believe in science, and those who believe the scientists should be burned at the stake for such heathen behaviour and witchcraft.”
According to sources, Scheer was warning Canadians that they could fall off the edge of the earth if they don’t read their horoscope today or email a chain letter to at least ten people.