BREAKING: Makers of 9-in-1 body wash admit it’s just laundry detergent
OTTAWA — In a stunning revelation that has shaken the personal care industry to its core, the makers of Düush+, a popular men’s 9-in-1 body wash, have admitted that the product is actually just l…
Poilievre throws hat in the ring to be Trump VP pick
PALM BEACH, FL — Following weeks of speculation about who Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump will choose to run with him as VP, reporters and political junkies have been thrown a curve …
Sad about Alice Munro’s death? Here are 5 Alice Munro short stories that will make you way sadder
Alice Munro, the Nobel prize winning author, master of the short story, and person who wrote the best description of the human penis in all of literary history, has passed away at the age of 92. …
Entire province of New Brunswick buried with Arthur Irving to accompany him in afterlife
SAINT JOHN, NB – Following an elaborate series of funeral rites, employees of J.D. Irving’s funerary services division have completed the entombment of New Brunswick’s residents and land in…
To deter thefts, Loblaws to force customers to eat entire content of shopping carts before leaving store
BRAMPTON, ON – In their ever-increasing efforts to prevent customers from leaving the store without paying for their goods, grocery monolith Loblaws will now force all patrons to consume everythi…
Biden pledges to not smile the next time he gives Netanyahu one billion dollars
Washington, D.C. – US president Joe Biden has finally made clear his position in regards to the mounting war in Gaza, stating he will not smile the next time he gives Netanyahu a large sum …
Toronto’s expansion WNBA franchise mathematically certain to win their league championship before Leafs do
TORONTO – Former MLSE chair Larry Tanenbaum is reportedly set to bring an expansion WNBA franchise to Toronto for the start of the 2026 season, who will undoubtedly win their league champio…
New Pilates routine so easy you can do it in front of an open fridge while you eat peanut butter straight from the jar
With our routines busier than ever, fitness buffs are embracing a new pilates routine that can fit easily into daily routine moments, such as waiting for an elevator, standing at a bus stop, or c…
Rex Murphy’s Obituary written in the style of a Rex Murphy editorial
Rex Murphy, the blustering defamer of societal ills (real and imagined), fraudulent politicians and the eternal menace of the youth, met with the Grim Reaper yesterday after 77 turns around the s…
Boys Trip! This Uber Share is all dudes
MONTREAL, QC – It was a typical Friday night for Kenneth McPherson as he called a 2 A.M. Uber Share on Montreal’s nightlife-ridden St. Lawrence street. Little did he know, 3 blocks away, on…
