CALGARY – Addressing a rally of Conservative voters at the Calgary Stampede, Opposition Leader Pierre Poilievre has vowed to “reinstill a warrior culture, not a woke culture”, thanks to his latest complete style makeover.
“My friends, I am here to lead you as a warrior in the fight against woke culture,” said Poilievre as the rhinestones of his pure white space age cowboy outfit blinded several onlookers. “That is why I am introducing my new anti-woke stage persona, Butch Sassidy 3000.”
Poilievre went on to explain how the conceptual Sassidy persona is an Alberta cowhand from the late 1970s who travelled to Studio 54, only to fall into a time vortex and be rocketed into the distant future.
“It’s in the year 3000 where Butch trains with the enlightened Alpha Warriors to fight the evil woke agenda, all of which is spelled out in my upcoming concept album, ‘The Rise and Fall of Butch Sassidy 3000 vs the Woke Mob from Venus’.”
As reporters took notes on Poilievre’s bold new Garth Brooke/Chris Gaines-esque stage persona, some questioned whether fighting back against perceived far left “wokeness” while dressed like “White Party Ken” from a Honduran knockoff Barbie doll line, the opposition leader held firm. “Butch Sassidy 3000 is the most manly alpha male out there, which is why he shoots disco ball lasers from his sequinned cattle driving gloves. Next question.”
Asked whether it would be more prudent to offer actionable critiques of the Liberal majority government, as opposed to dressing like a Eurotrash Power Ranger, Poilievre explained, “Ever since I ditched my eyeglasses, I’ve trusted whatever outfit my team lays out for me to wear. I assume this outfit reflects the dignity of the Leader of His Majesty’s Loyal Opposition. No further questions.”
At press time, Butch Sassidy 3000 has become the leading contender to represent Canada at Eurovision 2027.
