OTTAWA – The Government of Canada confirmed this week that images of Charles Mountbatten-Windsor, an unpopular foreign billionaire, will soon be placed on Canada’s coinage and $20 bills in the hopes that this will hasten Canada’s transition to a cashless society.
“The government has tasked the Royal Canadian Mint to design and place an effigy of His Majesty King Charles III on Canadian circulation coins and the $20 bank note,” a press release from Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s office stated. “Beginning with the elimination of the penny in 2013, Canada is moving towards a future without physical currency, and this is clearly an important step on that journey.”
A recent poll revealed that 60% of Canadians oppose recognizing Charles as king, and that number is likely to increase as more Canadians are forced to see Canada’s disliked head of state on a daily basis when they’re just trying to buy gum. This will create a feedback loop in which seeing money featuring Charles makes Charles more unpopular, and Charles’ unpopularity in turn will make money more unpopular.
“There’s a theory in social sciences called nudging, whereby authorities can affect behaviour not through direct legislation of that behaviour, but by making that behaviour either more or less attractive,” said Judith Monroe, a professor of sociology at UBC. “Obviously, putting Charles on money makes using money, and looking at money, and putting money in your pocket, less attractive. There is exactly one person on Earth who is on record as wanting Charles in their pants, and he’s already married to her.”
“Making physical money less appealing will not only cut down on people being able to hide cash during tax time, it will also save the government money in terms of the cost of designing and manufacturing currency,” Monroe continued. “So having Charles on Canada’s money is a win-win for the government. While being an absolute bummer for anyone whose job requires them to handle money.”
In addition to currency, the Canadian government is also considering putting Charles’ image on cigarettes in the expectation that no one will want to put one of those in their mouth.