VANCOUVER – Noted space vacationer and inventor of the world’s doucheiest car Elon Musk publicly criticized Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg for holding too much social and political influence at a recent TED conference.
Musk, who economists note could end world hunger but actively chooses not to, expressed ethical concerns about Zuckerberg’s social media monopoly. “It’s just not morally right for one person to have that much influence over people’s everyday lives,” Musk commented, as his private chef served him a lunch equal in value to the GDP of a small island nation.
“Don’t worry, it’s vegan,” Musk added, giving enthusiastic finger guns.
Zuckerberg, CEO and founder of Meta Platforms, currently owns Facebook, Instagram and Whatsapp, which Elon Musk believes to be socially unjust because he “only own(s) Tesla and SpaceX.” This has driven Musk to attempt a takeover of social media platform Twitter in order to mend the power imbalance.
“Why should Zuck have three and I only have two? He needs to share, otherwise it’s not fair!” said the literal richest man in the world, as he reached for his phone to retweet messages of support pouring in from incels and modern day eugenicists worldwide.
“I mean, c’mon. Marky gets to testify before congress and influence elections with his cool algorithms, but all I get is the all-time record for fewest laughs per minute in an SNL opening monologue. In what universe is that an equal distribution of power?!,” Musk lamented before slamming the door to his private rocket ship and flying back to his 9000 square foot mega mansion.
Later that afternoon, Musk was observed diving head first Scrooge McDuck style into a swimming pool full of solid gold Bitcoins, a stunt which he claimed would “level the playing field for women in STEM, or whatever… FREE SPEECH!”