TORONTO – Canada’s fourth-worst person, Conrad Black, is celebrating alone after receiving a pardon from America’s worst individual, their president. “If being the worst is a crime,” Trump told r…
Tag: Elon Musk
Elon Musk investing $800 million to fight own skeleton
Hawthorne, CA – Billionaire entrepreneur Elon Musk announced on Twitter today that he is beginning a new company that aims to give him the ability to remove his own skeleton so he can fight…
Kingston residents shocked to discover terror plot not the fault of Queen’s students
KINGSTON – After a local teen was arrested on suspicion of a terrorist plot, residents were baffled to discover the incident had no apparent connection with Queen’s University or its students. “Y…
Elon Musk finally invents a way to fuck gravity
Los Angeles, CA – Tech billionaire Elon Musk announced today, after years of research and million of dollars, that he has finally found a way to put his penis inside the physical constant o…
Dear Elon Musk: We’ll happily compromise our integrity in exchange for your money
By: The Editorial Staff of The Beaverton Dear Elon Musk: We, the Editorial Staff at The Beaverton – Canada’s Premier News Satire Website and Crayon Manufacturer – have recently learned of your of…
Elon Musk introduces latest; large clock ominously counting down
We may never know the purpose behind Elon Musk’s latest invention.…
Tesla updates cars with auto-road-rage feature
PAULO ALTO – On the heels of its revolutionary release of autopilot software for its Model S car, electric vehicle maker Tesla Motors has complemented the innovation with an auto-road-rage mode t…
Queen’s University: The Beaverton University Reviews
Name: Queen’s University Nickname: Ol’ Money, Ol’ Problems Motto: “We go to Queen’s, do you?” History: Founded in 1841 in honour of Queen Victoria’s money, Queen’s University was the…