SAN FRANCISCO — Elon Musk is on the verge of completing the stipulations of his uncle’s will wherein he must spend 45 B$ without giving it away. By doing so before the end of the year, Elon Musk …
Tag: Tesla
Elon Musk suspended from Twitter for impersonating competent businessman
SAN FRANCISCO — Elon Musk’s Twitter account was briefly suspended for violating the site’s new parody guidelines after he was discovered tweeting in the guise of a “successful entrepreneur.” The …
Trudeau confused why Canadians who can’t afford rent not embracing luxury electric vehicles
OTTAWA – Today during a press conference discussing Canada’s commitments to reduce carbon emissions, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau expressed confusion over why more Canadians currently stru…
BMW, Tesla remain deadlocked in battle for rich asshole market
L.A. – Consumer reports indicate that BMW and Tesla are still the top vehicle choices for wealthy pieces of shit. “BMW has historically dominated the trust fund douchebag demographic,” said…
Twitter bursts into flames and rams pedestrians immediately after Musk buy
SAN FRANCISCO – After Tesla CEO and richest man alive Elon Musk’s bid to buy controlling shares of Twitter succeeded, the app subsequently burst into flames and began ramming nearby pedestr…
“Zuckerberg has too much power” says billionaire who vacations in space
VANCOUVER – Noted space vacationer and inventor of the world’s doucheiest car Elon Musk publicly criticized Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg for holding too much social and political influe…
“As we know, I invented Twitter” claims Elon Musk three months from now
SAN FRANCISCO — Tech billionaire Elon Musk launched a hostile takeover of Twitter today shortly after becoming the company’s single largest shareholder. While the social media platform’s future i…
New Tesla safety feature requires user retweet Elon Musk to start vehicle
AUSTIN, TX — On the heels of news that Elon Musk had become Twitter’s single largest shareholder, Tesla Motors has unveiled a new safety feature requiring the driver to demonstrate being ca…
Grimes says she’s “enjoying” having COVID-19, being in relationship with Elon Musk
LOS ANGELES — Vancouver-born pop musician Grimes announced Monday that she had “finally” tested positive for COVID-19, calling the “DayQuil fever dream strangely enjoyable.” Since then, she has b…
Elon Musk unveils advanced mining drill that goes deep enough to pull his head out from his ass
SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Tesla CEO Elon Musk announced plans for a new thermo-mining drill today that would have the capacity to drill deep enough to pull his head out of his ass. “Today i…