OTTAWA – Andrew Scheer blasted Justin Trudeau this week for reportedly ignoring the 200,000 suspected cases of fraud amongst CERB applicants, who are now making way more per week than he is from his ‘expense everything to the Conservative Party’ scam.
“Will the Prime Minister admit that he ordered the civil service to approve applicants even when they had flagged them for fraud,” said Scheer during Question Period. “And that these fraudsters didn’t even have to go to the trouble of sending a receipt from their kid’s private school?”
“They’re getting cold hard cash for nothing and I’m over here faking grocery bills like a sucker!” He added.
Andrew ‘8 Ball’ Scheer has been running scams since he was a scrappy kid on the streets of Ottawa offering to shovel people’s driveways for 10 dollars, and then paying his friends 5 bucks to do it. He thought his expense racket was his best hustle since he perfected the art of selling fake rolexes to other MPs. But that was before the government started issuing CERB cheques.
Back in Ottawa, Scheer demanded that the 200,000 suspected fraudsters should have to do the same work that he did. “Let’s see them go into politics, get elected party leader, painstakingly skim money off the party coffers, and THEN frantically make absurd statements even though you announced you would step down.” Scheer concluded, “That’s the real way to grift a few bucks!”
“I just think it’s outrageous that people would take advantage of the pandemic. Almost as outrageous as the fact that my friend, the crown prince of Nigeria, has been cut off by his father. But if you issue him a temporary loan he promises to pay you back ten fold when he assumes the throne!”
Scheer concluded his Question Period statement by demanding to know if Justin Trudeau wanted to be a rep for his multi-level marketing company.