TORONTO — Guests at a holiday party hosted by millennial couple Elaine Royce and Andray Parker were evacuated by first responders as their guests realized they had run out of TV series to make conversation about.
“We were all sitting around, having drinks and talking about TV shows that we like and remembering moments from the shows that we all watched – you know, a standard party,” explained party guest Tyler Smith, 34.
“We had just finished talking about the finale to the HBO Watchmen series, which is so good, you should check it out,” recounted Smith. “But then Andray brought up Fleabag, and we all realized we’d already talked about that show two hours ago.”
“After that, the night took a scary turn,” Smith recalled.
Emergency medical teams determined the group had spent hours happily discussing their mutual enjoyment of TV and streaming series, like Bojack Horseman, The Mandalorian, Chernobyl, The Masked Singer, Succession, and Brooklyn 99. However, by 9pm, the assembled party guests suddenly found themselves having exhausted this conversational topic.
“Shayla even tried to talk about how the Hallmark Channel wouldn’t show that commercial with the lesbians in it – have you seen the great Last Week Tonight segment they did on that? So good. Anyway, that topic only bought us another few minutes of talking. Even drinking wasn’t working fast enough to keep the party going,” explained Smith.
Eyewitnesses report that subsequent attempts to discuss non-television topics all failed. “We tried talking about anything other than TV,” explained host Royce, “Family, work, politics, religion. Even talking about Tom’s erectile dysfunction was an utter non-starter.”
First responders discovered a half-played board game, The Big Bag Theory Clue, but it appeared to have been long-abandoned.
At approximately 10:50pm, 911 responders received a panicked call from the apartment, and dispatched emergency crews. After breaking down the door, firefighters encountered the group of partygoers sitting and staring at one another in shocked silence.
“One guest, Trevor Meeks, had lost the ability to speak unless he could exclusively reminisce about the 1987 Muppet Family Christmas TV special. Poor bastard,” explained TPS Constable Gerald Ranks.
Ranks added, “Personally, I’m more of a Charlie Brown Christmas fan myself, have you watched it recently?”
The guests were then evacuated and brought to a nearby hospital, where doctors administered several television-related podcasts to calm the victims.