AURORA, ON – Early this morning, tiny whimpers were heard from a gingerbread-house as a gingerbread-man pleaded with his gingerbread-God to end his suffering. “Woe is me, that I labour each…
Tag: Santa
“Just figure it out!” screams Jeff Bezos at underlings after hearing of man who provides overnight shipping worldwide on Christmas Eve
SEATTLE – On the heels of their most successful year yet, Amazon HQ was thrown into chaos this afternoon after CEO Jeff Bezos caught wind of a competitor potentially edging in on holiday profits.…
Hung stocking absolutely stuffed
NORTH OF MY POLE – Oh dear God in Heaven above, early reports state that the Anderson family stockings are not only hung, but absolutely fucking stuffed. Little naughty sources say that the…
Justin Trudeau orders Santa Claus to avoid Saskatchewan and Alberta
OTTAWA – Still angry over the election results and their threats to separate, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has ordered Santa Claus not to drop off any presents to families living in Saskat…
Integrity of office Secret Santa destroyed by constant leaks
REGINA – The secrecy of the Secret Santa system in Regina’s SaskTel offices has been called into question, after a flurry of leaks led to full public knowledge of who was buying presents fo…
It’s too soon for stores to be hanging Christmas dildos
By: Aaron Buck The snow has arrived and with it, the approaching holiday season. Whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, or simply use the cold weather to get close with family and friends, wh…
Talking snowman discovered to be Alberta man who slipped down hill
EDMONTON – A magical, talking snowman in the heart of the Edmonton river valley was recently identified as Brad Fishman, 48, who had slipped down a snowy hill three weeks earlier. “I was ju…
New winter boots promise to make your feet either extremely hot or a little wet
TORONTO – Boot manufacturers throughout Canada have finally given up and announced that all boots bought for winter 2019 will either make your feet uncomfortably hot or a little wet. “Have …
The disturbing backstory of this grown ass man’s Minions costume
MONTREAL, QC — As he slid his denim overalls over his bright yellow sweater while dancing to Q Lazzarus’s “Goodbye Horses,” Lain McNeal whispered to himself, “Would you fuck me? I would fuck me.”…
Santa’s nice list just one lady from Saskatoon
SASKATOON, SK – Leaked documents from earlier this morning have revealed the full contents of Santa Claus’ previously undisclosed naughty and nice lists, with many were surprised to learn t…