OTTAWA – According to local sources, Santa Claus has reached out to 33-year-old receptionist Stephanie Bauer after noticing she’s slept right through the last several weekends. “Ho, ho, ho! You d…
Tag: Santa
BREAKING: Home invader plans to kiss your wife
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Kenney encourages Albertans to superspread holiday cheer by allowing unvaccinated gatherings
EDMONTON – As Alberta heads into what will assuredly be the 5th wave of the Pandemic, Premier Jason Kenney announced Wednesday that he would be relaxing indoor gathering restrictions ahead …
Gingerbread-man trapped in gingerbread-house curses gingerbread-God
AURORA, ON – Early this morning, tiny whimpers were heard from a gingerbread-house as a gingerbread-man pleaded with his gingerbread-God to end his suffering. “Woe is me, that I labour each…
“Just figure it out!” screams Jeff Bezos at underlings after hearing of man who provides overnight shipping worldwide on Christmas Eve
SEATTLE – On the heels of their most successful year yet, Amazon HQ was thrown into chaos this afternoon after CEO Jeff Bezos caught wind of a competitor potentially edging in on holiday profits.…
Hung stocking absolutely stuffed
NORTH OF MY POLE – Oh dear God in Heaven above, early reports state that the Anderson family stockings are not only hung, but absolutely fucking stuffed. Little naughty sources say that the…
Justin Trudeau orders Santa Claus to avoid Saskatchewan and Alberta
OTTAWA – Still angry over the election results and their threats to separate, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has ordered Santa Claus not to drop off any presents to families living in Saskat…
Integrity of office Secret Santa destroyed by constant leaks
REGINA – The secrecy of the Secret Santa system in Regina’s SaskTel offices has been called into question, after a flurry of leaks led to full public knowledge of who was buying presents fo…
It’s too soon for stores to be hanging Christmas dildos
By: Aaron Buck The snow has arrived and with it, the approaching holiday season. Whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, or simply use the cold weather to get close with family and friends, wh…
Talking snowman discovered to be Alberta man who slipped down hill
EDMONTON – A magical, talking snowman in the heart of the Edmonton river valley was recently identified as Brad Fishman, 48, who had slipped down a snowy hill three weeks earlier. “I was ju…
