Worst American pardons fourth-worst Canadian - The Beaverton

Worst American pardons fourth-worst Canadian

TORONTO – Canada’s fourth-worst person, , is celebrating alone after receiving a from America’s worst individual, their president.

“If being the worst is a crime,” Trump told reporters this morning, “then lock me up. Or try to, because I will pardon myself.”

Trump, who for legal reasons we are choosing not to describe as a human being, issued a full pardon regarding Black’s fraud and obstruction of convictions due to his “tremendous contributions to business, history, and being an inspiration to creepy old white men everywhere who like obstructing and getting away with it.”

According to White House Press Secretary “The President’s pardon is certainly not related to the excellent biography Mr. Black wrote about him. It was awarded entirely on the basis of all the excellent articles Mr. Black wrote about him.”

Black is currently ranked fourth on the list of hot-garbage Canadians after , , and the worst half of .

In what she swears is unrelated news, has announced a new six-part docudrama on President Trump, coming out this fall.

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