New breed of action hero coolly walks toward explosion - The Beaverton

New breed of action hero coolly walks toward explosion

HOLLYWOOD – Tired of the same old action movie trope of the badass protagonist calmly strolling away from an he just caused, film producers are pushing for their heroes to break the mould and instead walk nonchalantly towards the fiery blaze for additional dramatic effect.

“It’s just the inevitable march of progress,” explained Josh Matler, producer of the upcoming thriller ‘Guntown’. “Our viewers already know that the lead character will defy all known laws of thermodynamics as he strides confidently away from a massive fireball just ten feet behind him. What they won’t expect is their hero walking into one with the air of a man who has no time for skin-melting temperatures.”

Greg McClaren, the stuntman who will actually be walking towards the explosion in place of lead actor Chad Harrington (who has a history of performing his own stunts but for some reason declined this time), admitted he had his doubts about the possibility of shooting the scene, but said “if I don’t die, it’ll look really goddamn .”

“We’re making history,” McClaren said. “We’re creating a whole new type of hero- one who sets the explosives, triggers them from afar, and then approaches the flames to make it clear to his enemies that he has nothing left to lose. Suck it, Jason Bourne, you never had the stones to do this!”

“Plus, I get to do more way more in the scene because you don’t see the character’s face.”

Other productions are quickly following Guntown’s lead, with several set to feature numerous characters somehow not instantly combusting when walking into explosions.

“It’s about raw animal dominance,” enthused Gary Levinston, director of upcoming action-comedy ‘The Agent Who Ghosted Me’. “No more shall the hero saunter away from the problems he’s caused. Now he mans up. Now he walks into the blast. Nothing is sexier than a man immune to fear and liquifying pressure waves.”

At press time, production on Guntown had been shut down by its insurance company, citing “shockingly reckless endangerment.”

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