TORONTO – Ontario’s capital has yet again been voted the greatest city in the world by those who’ve never stepped foot outside its borders.
“It’s not only the fashion capital of the world, it’s also the mecca of all art and commerce,” said Mike Howard, a man completely unaware of Paris, London, or New York. “We all know that Toronto is the City of Lights. The Big Apple. Foggy ole’ Toronto town.”
“Where else can you find a city that’s transit system is a mixture of 1930’s rail cars and the mine chase from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom,” remarked Mayor John Tory as he watched citizens board a shuttle bus due to ongoing subway track repairs. “It’s truly world class, if you don’t think about any other major city in the developed world.”
This is the fifth year in a row that people who consider driving north of Bloor Street a “road trip” have declared Toronto the greatest place to live, out of the hundreds of more qualified cities across the globe.
“A hot dog vendor on every corner. That’s what makes this city so special,” said Laura Ferguson, who once missed a school trip to Chicago because of strep throat. “Plus, I just found a wonderful 8’ by 8’ storage shed in Riverdale that’s only 800 thousand. What a city!”
“Why would I want to go anyplace else when Toronto is where so many films are shot,” declared Susan Lewis, an agoraphobic homemaker. “Sure, none of those movies are supposed to take place in this city, but you can still tell it’s Toronto because of the streetcars in the background. And I think that’s pretty impressive.”
Not to be outdone by Toronto, Vancouver was just voted the best place to live by shadow investors from mainland China.