Team: Edmonton Oilers
Mascot: A middle aged man who won’t stop talking about the 1980s.
2013-14 Season: The Oilers entered the season with a lot of young, unproven talent who then proved themselves not to be as talented as hoped.
Key Additions:
Deadline pickup Ben “my face personifies my last name” Scrivens should provide the team with solid goaltending for the first time in years.
Big D-men Nikita Nikitin and Mark Fayne may allow the Oilers to occasionally give up less than 5 goals a game
Strengths:
POTENTIAL. The potential to put together a fantastic group of young talent. The potential to become a powerhouse offence. The potential to make living in Edmonton slightly more bearable.
Jordan Eberle doesn’t have to worry about high sticks to the face since the gap in his teeth is big enough to fit a regulation sized blade without doing any damage.
Ryan Nugent-Hopkins is on the verge of being as good as his name is catchy
Weaknesses:
Despite scouting every middle school in the country, the Oilers were unable to find a second line centre
Without Ryan Smith, there is no one on the team old enough to remember when the Oilers won the cup
X Factor:
Will Nail Yakupov score enough to justify you remembering his name is Nail and not Neil?
Trade rumours:
Justin Schultz for a veteran, stay at home defenceman, provided his last name also makes a good nickname when you add a Y to it.
RNH for NPH
Quotes from players and management:
“I came here to turn these young men from talented individuals into a dominant team. And we are on the right track. Take it from me, before the sun sets on humanity and we all shuffle off this mortal coil, this team will finally live up to the hype.” – Coach Dallas Eakins.
Predicted finish:
The Oilers take a big step forward, followed by a bigger step backwards. Then several small steps forward again. Then two medium sized steps backwards. 12th in West.
