TTC finally admits “signal upgrades” just code for Fuck Party in the subway tunnels
TORONTO – Toronto Transit Commission representatives have shocked the city by revealing that the commonly used explanation for subway closures – signal upgrades – is simply code for all TTC emplo…
B.C. Parents furious after discovering son’s hidden vaccine stash
VICTORIA – Two B.C. parents advised today that they weren’t sure where they went wrong with their 12 year old son Henry after finding a stash of vaccines in his sock drawer. “We’ve told him…
Bombardier somehow misses deadline for train they weren’t contracted to make
MONTREAL – Following a long history of faulty products and broken contracts Quebec manufacturer Bombardier has missed a deadline for a train they were never contracted to make. “Our deepest…
Following copyright issue The People’s Party of Canada changes name to Maxime Overdrive
OTTAWA – After a B.C. man filed a court challenge claiming that he owns the rights to the name The People’s Party of Canada, the right wing political party founded by Maxime Bernier that ha…
Trudeau brags about having perfect gender balance among people he’s thrown under bus
OTTAWA – Showing politicians everywhere that it can be done, Justin Trudeau proudly announced that he had created complete gender parity with the people he was sacrificing to the political …
Man who has done nothing wrong spontaneously quits job for no reason
OTTAWA – Principal Secretary to Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and completely innocent man Gerald Butts has resigned citing no reason in particular. The good-natured employee said that his s…
Elon Musk investing $800 million to fight own skeleton
Hawthorne, CA – Billionaire entrepreneur Elon Musk announced on Twitter today that he is beginning a new company that aims to give him the ability to remove his own skeleton so he can fight…
Beloved aunt missing after mozza sticks lead to one-way ticket to Flavour Town
CALGARY – A manhunt is underway after the disappearance of Linda Brown, 46, who was last seen boarding a one-way flight to Flavour Town after indulging in a plate of wonderfully ooey gooey …
Local man wearing baseball cap in February like winter some kind of fucking game
CALGARY—Reports have confirmed that local dickhead, Tyler Brin, has been walking around, outside, in February in a piddling little baseball cap, as though cold weather is a funny little goddamn j…
Amazon abandons plans for NYC HQ after no one home to accept delivery
NEW YORK – New Yorkers were left stunned and disappointed as Amazon cancelled its plans for a new headquarters in Queens when no one was home to accept delivery. “The UPS driver tried three…
