CBS launches The Late Show With Jon Voight as part of fall, Trump-approved line-up
NEW YORK CITY – Following the sudden cancellation of The Late Show With Stephen Colbert, CBS has announced a revamp of their prime-time line-up designed to appease the Trump administration …
White House officials say Donald Trump diagnosed with chronic “Distract From Epstein Scandal-itis”
WASHINGTON D.C. – Amid the ongoing rumours, lies, and coverups related to President Donald Trump’s relationship to notorious sex offender Jeffrey Epstein, White House officials called a pre…
Poilievre bonds with Alberta farmer constituent by asking if he’s seen the latest Tim Pool video
“Forget about the price of cattle for a sec, check out how he owns this blue-haired chick.” Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre, Clare Blackwood and Megan MacKay) speculate about what s…
Supposedly hip young person doesn’t even know who LCD Soundsystem is
HAMILTON, ON — Reports have confirmed that Miley Autlin, 24, a person previously believed by experts to be “cool”, “up on the scene” and even “really into the new stuff” literally didn’t even kno…
Trump tempted to release Epstein Files just to see own name in print
MAR-A-LAGO, FL – While steadfastly refusing to answer questions surrounding his ties to notorious sex criminal Jeffrey Epstein, U.S. President Donald Trump has reportedly considered releasi…
Newly discovered Shakespeare folio reveals lost play ‘Dracula vs. Frankenstein’
Stratford, England – Shakespeare Birthplace Trust archivists today announced their discovery of a lost Shakespeare folio for a play entitled “Dracula vs. Frankenstein.” Natasha Cartwright, …
TTC appeals to frustrated riders with summer contest ‘Catch That Rat!’
TORONTO – Seeking to give riders a productive activity during its numerous and lengthy delays, the Toronto Transit Commission has launched a new summer contest called Catch That Rat! Rather than …
Grok refusing to answer questions unless X users upload blood tests to prove the purity of their DNA
BASTROP, TEXAS – Following a controversial week on X when the site’s AI, Grok, repeatedly made antisemitic statements and claimed to be MechaHitler, X has assured its users that they’ve fix…
Trump announces 35% tariffs on Krypton
WASHINGTON, DC – Following a wave of conservative backlash to the recent cinematic reboot of Superman, U.S. president Donald Trump has announced that all imports from Krypton will be subjec…
Alberta full of measles, and after the Calgary Stampede, also chlamydia
CALGARY, AB – A raucous weekend at the Calgary Stampede has left local hospitals, already dealing with a rash of measles cases, further scrambling to deal with an influx of residents and to…
