Report: At this point we are just trying to figure who Canadian Parliament WON’T give a standing ovation to

OTTAWA – After members of the Canadian Parliament earlier today gave a standing ovation to recently deceased far-right agitator who touted white supremacist theories, Charlie Kirk, we here …

Person you forgot was Ontario Liberal Party leader no longer Ontario Liberal Party leader

TORONTO – Bonnie Crombee (sp?), the person who has apparently been head of the Liberal Party of Ontario since 2023, is reportedly not doing that anymore. “Despite getting over 50% sup…

Gay friend ready for Halloween

MONTREAL – Your gay friend has officially announced that he is ready to celebrate Halloween, despite the non-civic holiday being 45 days away. Jamie Mathers, 29, made the proclamation on his Inst…

Couple trying for child despite world

BURLINGTON, ON – Ignoring their shared dread, local couple Sarah and Aiden Hillson, 31, announced plans Thursday to bring a new human life into the world, despite a nagging foreboding that …

Second Amendment activists in shock as Charlie Kirk shot instead of just schoolchildren

OREM, UT – Americans who champion the right to bear arms were shocked Wednesday as controversial commentator Charlie Kirk was shot and killed, as opposed to the ordinarily acceptable trend …

James McAvoy not sure which of his movies he got punched for

TORONTO – While in town for the Toronto International Film Festival, where he was sucker-punched in a nearby bar by a random patron, actor James McAvoy feels certain that it was likely perp…

Putin assures world no one evil has ever tried to invade Poland

MOSCOW – After Russian drones were intercepted inside Polish airspace, Russian President Vladimir Putin issued a statement assuring the world that no evil person throughout history has ever…

Doug Ford tells young job seekers “try inheriting your daddy’s sticker factory”

QUEEN’S PARK – Ontario Premier Doug Ford is telling unemployed young job seekers to “Look harder” for label manufacturing companies that they can inherit, or failing that,…

Pundits predict Trump’s “Thank you for being my pedophile friend” letter will hurt Democrats somehow

WASHINGTON, D.C. – After journalists revealed that President Trump wrote a birthday message to notorious sex offender Jeffrey Epstein reading, “I sure enjoyed the sex crimes you did, fellow sex c…

RFK Jr.’s new vaccine board includes Dr. Oz, Dr. Phil, Doctor Doom and Dr. Evil

Kennedy’s Volcano Lair, D.C. – Robert Kennedy Jr. has shocked the scientific community after firing the entire vaccine board and replacing them with Dr. Oz, Dr. Phil, Doctor Doom, and Dr. E…