Op-Ed : “Say what you will about us, at least we never blew a 27-point lead,” by Auston Matthews
by Auston Matthews Hockey fans are always picking on Toronto for blowing leads in the playoffs, like that time we lost to Boston back in 2013, 2018, 2019 or that time we lost to them again in 202…
Poilievre vows to stay on as party leader for reasons of being otherwise unemployable
CARLETON, ON – Despite losing his own riding by several thousand votes, Conservative leader Pierre Poilievre has vowed to stay on as party leader due to having absolutely no employment trac…
Struggling young voters choose between guy who will ignore cost of living and guy who will make every problem worse
OTTAWA – As the nation heads to the polls Gen Z and Millennial Canadians report having difficulty choosing between Mark Carney, who has promised to allow cost of living to continue to rise …
Mom thinks 30-year-old son would like the risotto at restaurant
Steinbach, MB – After briefly perusing the menu at a local Italian restaurant, Irene Everett concluded her adult son would probably like the risotto best. “I know my mom means well, but I’m a gro…
Trump forgets instructions to not mention Canada again until future governor Poilievre has won election
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Earlier this week, U.S. President Donald Trump was unable to remember the explicit instructions he was given to stop talking about Canada in order to help the man he’s ta…
Panicking Poilievre purportedly planning political pivot pending poll performance
PETERBOROUGH – Present polls panicking Pierre Poilievre, proving poor political performance, privy pals pronounced. “Pah! Pesky plebs!” pouted Poilievre. “Perhaps people picture Pierre Poil…
Bonhomme beheaded in tragic “Elbows Up” incident
QUÉBEC CITY, QC – Authorities are devastated to report that Bonhomme Carnaval, beloved snowman and symbol of Québécois pride, was beheaded at a Liberal rally this week following an order fr…
Mark Carney pretty sure being PM will be as easy as this election campaign has been
“I assume I’ll just show up and everything will unfold perfectly for me at all times right?” Guest host Ian MacIntyre and the Panel (Nile Seguin, Clare Blackwood and Diana McCal…
Poilievre rushed to safety after actual journalist question makes it past security
CALGARY – During an outdoor campaign rally security rushed a shaken Pierre Poilievre to safety after he was tragically struck by a lone journalist’s question. “Mr. Poilievre was…
REPORT: Meeting you didn’t pay attention in could’ve been an email you didn’t read
MONTREAL – A new study into your workplace’s efficiency habits has found that all the meetings you zone out in at work could easily have been replaced with an email that you would’ve preten…
