TORONTO – A few minutes after the announcement that he was being traded back to the Toronto Raptors Kawhi Leonard walked into a Queen street restaurant and asked for a meal on the house. &#…
Tag: Toronto Raptors
NHL refs congratulate NBA counterpart for screwing over Toronto team “even better than we do”
TORONTO – In the wake of the Toronto Raptors second straight loss to the Philadelphia 76ers the NHL referees association has congratulated NBA officiating for screwing over the Toronto base…
5 events that are finally back post-pandemic and never mind they’re already cancelled
We’ve been at this pandemic thing for over a year and wow, has a lot of stuff been cancelled! But now you’re fully vaccinated (or not!), your mask game is next level (or it isn’t!), and case numb…
Dominatrix offers her Subs new punishment that replicates pain, humiliation of being a Leafs fan
TORONTO – Mistress Saphira, a local Dom who specializes in unique tortures for her clients to endure, has developed a new punishment for Subs eager to feel the pain & humiliation Leafs …
In preparation for Florida move Raptors replace logo with image of shirtless man shooting fireworks at an Alligator
TAMPA – As part of their preparation to temporarily become a Florida based NBA team the Toronto Raptors have replaced their ‘claw’ logo with a cartoon of a shirtless man shootin…
Drake caught sneaking into Raptors’ bubble again
ORLANDO – International recording superstar and desperate Raptors fanboy Drake was once again caught trying to sneak into the Raptors’ quarantine zone in Disney World. “Come on,…
20,000 lovers fill arena to watch their ex-man put on a ring
TORONTO – Roughly 20,000 broken-hearted people filled Scotiabank Centre to watch their ex man put on a ring. Millions more of the grief-stricken couldn’t look away from their television scr…
ESPN returns to ignoring Canada’s existence
BRISTOL, CT – After the departure of NBA Champion and former Toronto Raptor Kawhi Leonard to the LA Clippers, ESPN has resumed the assumption that Canada is a mythical, non-existent land wh…
Raptors sweeten offer to Kawhi Leonard with 500 MB of data on Canadian cell phone plan
TORONTO – Early reports indicate that the Toronto Raptors have offered free agent Kawhi Leonard 500 MB on his Canadian cell phone plan if he signs with the team for another season. “We’re w…
World in shock after better team wins
TORONTO – In the days after the Toronto Raptors defeated Golden State to win their first NBA championship, sports analysts and fans expressed their disbelief that the Warriors could ever fa…
