KING CITY, ON – With the likelihood of an increase in minimum wage diminishing with each passing increase in the cost of living, one man is bucking this trend by working less to increase hi…
Tag: Tim Hortons
New Tim Hortons bonus roll cups now doubles chances to not win a car
OTTAWA – Fans of the Tim Hortons Roll Up the Rim contest have been excited by a new feature that now gives them two chances to not win a car. The extra Roll Up the Rim location is part of T…
Sir, don’t you think you’ve rolled up enough rims for one day?
BY A TIM HORTONS DRIVE THRU SPEAKER BOX On behalf of Tim Horton’s, I would like to thank you for your loyal patronage at our stores during our roll-up-the-rim-to-win event, but Sir, don’t you thi…
Local uncle insists he does not murder people at truck stops
PETERBOROUGH, ON – When asked at a family dinner what he had done the previous weekend, local uncle William Tudor Falkes vehemently denied that he was in the habit of taking human lives at …
Montrealers wonder when they can start ironically wearing toques again
MONTREAL – Temperatures in Montreal are fluctuating between chilly and cryogenically cold again leaving many to question when they can ironically wear a toque. “This sucks” declared 24-year…
Canadians are richer than ever according to new research poll
Canadians are richer than ever, according to Environics research, which calculated that the average household net worth is now over $400,000. What’s your say? “I’m not sure I understand. Can you …
Loblaw purchases Shoppers Drug Mart, forgets to use Optimum card
TORONTO – Loblaw Cos. proudly announced today the $12.4 billion acquisition of Shoppers Drug Mart Corp. in a move that has merged two of Canada’s biggest retailers but failed to provide any…
Avril Lavigne and Chad Kroeger tie the knot in France on Canada Day
Rock music couple Avril Lavigne and Chad Kroeger are now husband and wife, the pair having reportedly married on Canada Day, with a Canada-themed wedding, in the South of France. What’s your say?…
Canadian actor achieves realistic life goal by booking Tim Hortons commercial
TORONTO – 33-year-old Canadian actor David Allister reached his realistic life goal earlier this week when he was booked for a spot on a Tim Hortons commercial. The 30-second ad features Al…
Tim Hortons execs just trying to figure out what customers won’t eat at this point
WILMINGTON, DE – Tim Hortons company insiders revealed Monday that the beloved Canadian cultural icon is currently just testing its customers’ loyalty by releasing round after round of what…
