VANCOUVER – Marine researchers were initially happy to report that three critically endangered killer whales have recently become pregnant all at the same time, until further tests revealed…
Tag: Satan
Local Satanist worried his church is only second most evil
BARRIE, ON – After reading about the latest controversy surrounding the Catholic church, devout Satanist Damien Winslow is conflicted on whether or not his faith is doing enough of the devi…
Donald Rumsfeld to finally get chance to confront Saddam Hussein
THE AFTERLIFE – Former U.S. Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, who died today at the age of 88, will reportedly get his long-awaited chance to confront deposed Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein…
Rush Limbaugh slams Satan for his liberal bias
ETERNAL FLAMING REALM OF HELL – Having recently passed away from lung cancer, Rush Limbaugh, upon arriving in Satan’s land of eternal punishment, immediately lambasted the Prince of D…
Village virgin sick of donating blood to every ritual sacrifice
CHESHIRE, UK – After years of being the lone contributor to her village’s sacrificial blood rituals due only to the fact that she is a virgin, 18-year-old Josephine Paine finally spoke out in an …
Satanist BIA celebrates holiday season with community cavalcade of darks
IN PHOTOS: Satanist BIA celebrates holiday season with community cavalcade of darks Image via Deposit Photos…
Person who took empty seat next to you on plane at last minute definitely a sociopath
TORONTO – According to damning and indisputable evidence, the son of a bitch who waited until just before departure to sit in the empty seat next to you on the plane is almost certainly an …
9 adorable Halloween outfits that will be offensive in 5 years
Ever had to censor a Throwback Thursday post because your parents decided to dress you as ‘Dreamcatcher Girl’ or ‘Generic Mexican’? Although it may seem like the days of offensive Halloween costu…
Satan confused after some enjoy his cruel act of raisins in cookies
HELL – The devil has expressed frustration and confusion at the fact that some of humanity has appeared to like raisins in cookies, what he considers to be one of his most depraved acts of …
Satan rejects endorsements from shitty metal bands
Hell via Des Moines, Iowa – Earlier today, Satan, the Lord of Darkness, officially rejected endorsements from “shitty” metal bands, who constantly praise Him in their lyrics. Th…