NASHVILLE – Police officers across North America are scared and confused by the feeling that public opinion has turned against them for no reason other than the countless unpunished murders…
Tag: Murder
Friend with young kids clearly fantasizing about murdering you as you describe how boring isolation has been
Brandon, MB – Sofie, your friend with two children under the age of 5, clearly spent most of last night’s zoom call thinking of ways to murder you as you talked about how calm and uneventuf…
Monopoly banned during quarantine to prevent homicide increase
OTTAWA – In the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic, the government of Canada has introduced legislation to ban the nation-wide use of Hasbro’s Monopoly in order to prevent any further uptick in…
“Kids just don’t play like they used to” says dead body down by the quarry
BOBCAYGEON, ON — On a grey November morn down by a not often trodden down path near a quarry it has been reported by Phil Douglass, deceased January 10, 1996, that children “just don’…
Netflix invests in more serial killings to meet demand for documentaries
LOS GATOS, CA – The streaming platform Netflix has committed millions of dollars toward paying people to commit new, quirky, yet relatable serial murders so that their crimes can be transfo…
Woman who subscribes to 4 podcasts about child murder described as ‘happy-go-lucky’
CALGARY — Local woman Katie Johnston, who listens to approximately 3-5 longform stories each week involving grizzly deaths and/or serious crimes against innocent, usually helpless people, is cons…
Person who took empty seat next to you on plane at last minute definitely a sociopath
TORONTO – According to damning and indisputable evidence, the son of a bitch who waited until just before departure to sit in the empty seat next to you on the plane is almost certainly an …
Murder mystery dinner theatre ends in real death for 4th night in a row
VICTORIA – While audiences are marveling at the realism on display during the current production of ‘Whomdunit, A Mystery in Three Courses’ at the Waterfront Theatre and Bistro, authorities…
Mystery novelist pretty sure readers won’t suspect character who is heir to vast fortune
KAMLOOPS — Novelist April Washington just published her latest murder mystery, and she’s pretty sure readers won’t suspect the character who is heir to several mansions, a collection of priceless…
QUIZ: Which member of Smash Mouth should you euthanize
Summmm BODY once told me that euthanasia is a compassionate response to unbearable physical pain. But the meteor men beg to differ! Pain can be mental, especially if you’re Smash Mouth. Look, all…