Hamilton, ON – Late Friday night, your girlfriend’s cat, Cheddar, watched you relieve yourself again in your girlfriend’s en-suite bathroom, and frankly, you’ve had enough. “It doesn’t look…
Tag: Featured Post
“For Christmas this year I just want you to stay safe,” says mom who wants PlayStation 5
RED DEER – Sarah Jessup urged her three adult children to just hunker down and stay safe this Christmas, while also hoping someone would go out and get her a PlayStation 5 anyway. “The greatest g…
Office Christmas Party cancellation leaves local man with nowhere to make drunken fool of himself
CALGARY – With his firm forgoing plans for the usual Christmas party this year due to the current pandemic, paralegal Will Sanchez is worried that he will have nowhere to disgrace himself i…
Amazon responds to The Queen’s Gambit by ordering limited series about Jenga prodigy
CULVER CITY – In the wake of the worldwide success of the Netflix limited series The Queen’s Gambit, about the rise of fictional chess genius Beth Harmon, Amazon Studios has placed an order…
Santa Claus states fake Pandemic won’t stop him from entering anyone’s home
North Pole – Santa Claus has responded to questions about the pandemic affecting Christmas by saying he is not afraid of some “fake disease.” “I won’t let some left-wing conspiracy to destr…
Trump forces Eric and Don Jr to compete for last spot on pardon list
WASHINGTON D.C. – Donald Trump has been preparing a slew of preemptive pardons to ensure none of the criminal activity carried out during his presidency will result in jail time for his fav…
Hollywood begins search for the right cis actor to play Elliot Page in eventual biopic
HOLLYWOOD – After an announcement by Oscar-nominated Canadian actor Elliot Page that he is trans, major studio executives have begun the search for the perfect cis actor to step into the “E…
Pharmaceutical companies say Canada would get COVID vaccine faster if they didn’t need to print labels in French too
OTTAWA – As concerns mount that Canada may be “last in line” for access to the COVID-19 vaccines being developed, American pharmaceutical companies have reassured Canadians that…
Alberta’s tough new COVID measures force indoor coughing competitions to end by 10:00 pm
EDMONTON – In response to rising COVID-19 case numbers, Alberta Minister of Health Tyler Shandro announced stringent new regulations on the province’s popular coughing competitions. “Albertans as…
Liberal fiscal update confirms “Shit’s Fucked”
OTTAWA – Finance Minister Chrystia Freeland unveiled the Liberal fiscal update this afternoon and, as expected, things are fucked. Big time fucked. “9 months into this pandemic cases …
