OTTAWA, ON – Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is making the most of the slow period at work before the holidays to plan out future scandals to embroil the Liberal government for months on e…
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Christopher Nolan wants audiences to see movies the right way: sitting in a seat some teenager got to third base in
BURBANK, CA – In the wake of Warner Bros.’ announcement that they will release their entire lineup of 2021 films in theatres and on HBOMax simultaneously, several industry players have come out i…
“White men are the problem” says white woman who is also the problem
VANCOUVER – Reporting from a new juice bar in the gentrified neighbourhood of Chinatown, white woman, Clarissa Rogers, claimed that white men are to blame for societal inequities. “Like tod…
Patrick from life insurance commercial dies, insurance company denies coverage
Moose Jaw, SK – Patrick Donahue, known throughout Canada as “It’s Patrick he took out life insurance!” from that commercial has unfortunately passed away, and his insuranc…
Local absinthe drinker hasn’t been to a baroque midnight ritual in months
VICTORIA – Stephen Thackston, an absinthe aficionado and self-described ‘weird dandy,’ wants the public to know how hard physical distancing has been on the neo-fop community. “Do you have …
Nation starts GoFundMe for Jon Hamm so he doesn’t have to do any more Skip The Dishes ads
OTTAWA – The nation of Canada has come together to raise money for struggling actor Jon Hamm so he doesn’t need to do any more of those god awful Skip The Dishes ads. “I know th…
John Tory tweets “Stay home. Unless you’re being evicted, then get the fuck out.”
TORONTO – Toronto’s mayor John Tory has requested that residents stay home unless landlords aren’t making money off of them in which case they need to leave their homes. “Stay home,” tweete…
Trudeau announces new vaccine advent calendar
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced today that Canada will soon receive its first batch of COVID vaccinations, which will be distributed to Canadians using Health Canada’s new …
Girlfriend’s cat watching you pee again
Hamilton, ON – Late Friday night, your girlfriend’s cat, Cheddar, watched you relieve yourself again in your girlfriend’s en-suite bathroom, and frankly, you’ve had enough. “It doesn’t look…
“For Christmas this year I just want you to stay safe,” says mom who wants PlayStation 5
RED DEER – Sarah Jessup urged her three adult children to just hunker down and stay safe this Christmas, while also hoping someone would go out and get her a PlayStation 5 anyway. “The greatest g…
