BOWMANVILLE- After receiving backlash for his tweet that criminals should not be inoculated with the COVID vaccine before health care and front line workers, Leader of the Conservative Party of Canada Erin O’Toole clarified that he meant the criminals in prison, not the criminals in the Canadian government.
“I was talking about people who are currently incarcerated,” O’Toole said in a small press conference as Doug Ford looked on, peeking out from behind a large curtain and wiping beads of sweat from his forehead. “The thugs, the gangsters, you know who I mean.”
A small subset of federal inmates are set to receive the vaccine starting on Friday as part of a pilot program after prisons struggled with controlling COVID-19 in the close quarters making up the institutions, a fact that makes O’Toole mouth-frothingly furious.
“He wasn’t talking about normal guys who have made a few booboos,” Doug Ford continued after O’Toole left the room. “Sure, some of the folks in Parliament drive drunk or hit their wives or do little white collar things. But there’s a big difference between those guys and the real criminals.” Ford was later heard excitedly asking his confused assistant if any pugs showed up after his gratuitous use of dog whistles.
O’Toole released a list of the crimes that should disqualify someone from receiving the vaccine, which included murder, jaywalking and playing your music too loud when he’s just trying to get some god damn sleep! As well as a list of crimes that should not disqualify someone, like insider trading, filing fraudulent expense reports with the Canadian Senate, and making an illegal contribution to the Trump Re-Election Campaign
Canada continues to roll out the COVID-19 vaccine with priority given to the lives that the government deems to be most vulnerable and valuable.