WASHINGTON D.C. – In a stunning display of bipartisanship nearly 5% of Republican Members of Congress voted to impeach the man who, exactly one week ago, sent a horde of white supremacists …
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Ford warns paid sick leave would only encourage harmful belief that employees are people
TORONTO – Premiere Ford has clarified that Ontario will not be introducing mandatory paid sick leave as he does not want to reinforce the harmful idea that hourly and frontline workers are …
“That oughta do it” says Ford after requiring Costco to close an hour early
TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford is said to be confident that the COVID pandemic is basically over now that Costco and the LCBO have to close a bit earlier than before. “I think we’re ou…
Man who refuses to go down on women hasn’t showered in 8 days
CALGARY – Local shower avoider Heath Gerry is adamant in his refusal to put his face near a woman’s genitalia despite being an eye watering risk to public health himself. “I just thin…
Report: Puppy calendar filled with uggos this year
EDMONTON – The latest report compiled by market experts has revealed that the 2021 release from noted calendar brand “Omg Pups!” is filled with absolute uggos this year. The newest 13-month…
Canadians relieved our right-wing, authoritarian politicians not charismatic enough to inspire Coups
OTTAWA – In the wake of the attempted storming of the US Capitol Building, Canadians are expressing relief that our many far-right, anti-democrat politicians are too bland to inspire an arm…
Aw, heck! Borkin pupperino did a big zoomie into oncoming traffic
The smol boi had a honkin big frighten and received a chonky cast for his snoot. Three hoomans were killed.…
Data breach raises concerns that someone now knows how stupid your passwords are
TORONTO – A recent data breach has compromised the privacy of roughly 100,000 Canadians, leaving many folks concerned that someone, somewhere is judging their choice of passwords. “Trying t…
O’ Toole clarifies only criminals in prison shouldn’t be vaccinated; Criminals in government still good to get theirs
BOWMANVILLE- After receiving backlash for his tweet that criminals should not be inoculated with the COVID vaccine before health care and front line workers, Leader of the Conservative Party of C…
Your racist boss leads session on diversity in the workplace
YOUR TOWN, CANADA – Today, your boss, who is best known for making racist jokes and getting the names of your Black colleagues confused, will be holding a session on diversity and inclusion. “HR …
