TORONTO – In a press conference scheduled for Wednesday, the Toronto Maple Leafs are expected to announce that, after much deliberation, they believe giving Auston Matthews the captaincy is…
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Horrible teacher about to become even worse student
TORONTO – Former University of Toronto professor Jordan Peterson has agreed to take social media training in order to keep his license to practice psychology from the College of Psychologis…
Local woman waiting to return her missed calls until she’s on crowded bus
OTTAWA – Local woman Marlene Kovach has decided to wait to return all her calls until she can do so in the middle of a bus full of other people. “Sure I could call my mom when I get h…
Canadian tradition of giving children hammers at birth pays off
PARIS – The gold medals won this week by Canada’s Ethan Katzberg and Camryn Rogers in the men’s and women’s hammer throw at the 2024 Olympics have been a welcome and unexpected payoff of th…
10 more accurate insults for Pierre Poilievre than ‘weird’
In a “let’s just do what our American counterparts are doing but worse’ move that would make even Canadian tv broadcasters jealous, the Liberals are trying to take the weird ins…
5 tips for celebrating Saskatchewan Day, New Brunswick Day, Natal Day, Briti—wait, Natal Day? What the fuck?
HALIFAX – Another August long weekend is upon us, and whether you’re a Manitoban celebrating Terry Fox Day, a Vancouverite getting ready to enjoy British Columbia Day, or a Nova Scotian ringing i…
Lucky boy in Olympic audience catches shot put
News in Photos…
Embarrassed FIFA announces that Canadians can only use their left feet during quarter-finals
PARIS – After Canada overcame their 6 point deduction during the group stage by going 3-0, Fifa officials have announced that the Canadian women’s soccer team will only be allowed to …
Calgary’s new Scotia Place joins ranks of iconic Canadian stadiums like Scotia Centre, Rogers Place, and Scotia Centre-Place
CALGARY – Calgary has unveiled the design of its new hockey arena and event centre, Scotia Place, which will share the same sleek and contemporary look as famous arenas across Canada like Rogers …