TORONTO – As retail stores opened in Ontario this weekend, thousands of losers, nobodies and morons chose to stand in line to buy items from retail stores instead of just ordering everythin…
Tag: Featured Post
🔒 Man who “loves reading” actually just likes falling asleep while holding a book
Minden Hills, ON - Local man Jacob Hall claims to love reading, but actually just loves falling asleep with a book on his chest. "Whether it's sci-fi, fantasy or non-fiction, I just love how open…
Quiz: Can you remember these Canadian historical figures even though we took down their statues?
We all know that if we take down a statue of someone, they are immediately erased from all history textbooks and their actions lost to the sands of time. But can you, somehow, remember these impo…
Neighbour’s little library features little creep at little computer printing off little images of Shakira
SUMMERSIDE, PEI – In an attempt to scale down the modern library experience, a local front-yard little library installed a little computer which was quickly used by a little creep to print …
5 ways to explain the Habs’ success without admitting they’re a good team
With the Montreal Canadiens having won the North Division, Canadian hockey fans outside Quebec are faced with a dilemma: how can we explain the fact that the Habs did so much better than our team…
Hero cat bravely saves owner from being in bathroom alone
WINNIPEG – Felines nationwide are praising humble hero cat Mr. Pringles after he bravely saved his owner, local university student Christine Pedany, from being in the bathroom alone for mor…
Totally normal doctor recommends getting vaccinated in arm not used for masturbating
EDMONTON – Because the COVID vaccine generally causes soreness in the arm it’s injected into, Dr. Alex Hall has been advising Canadians to get it in their non-masturbation arm. “Many Canadians ar…
Pope: “Confessing and asking forgiveness aren’t really our thing”
VATICAN CITY – As Canadians and Indigenous Peoples demand accountability and remorse from the Catholic Church for their role in the genocidal Residential Schools institutions that Canada op…
RCMP arrest the Lorax
LAKE COWICHAN, B.C. – The RCMP, out in force again today arresting protesters trying to protect old growth trees on Vancouver Island, have detained one of the world’s most recognizable envi…
Innovative! West Virginia finds way to maintain COVID mortality levels post-COVID
WEST VIRGINIA- In a time when most states are struggling with low mortality rates, West Virginia Governor and local boyboss Jim Justice (R) is offering state residents a chance to win guns if the…