OTTAWA – Reports from the nation’s uncoupled population indicate that 2020 is the year we all became involuntary celibates. “It’s been a hard year.” Says Abby Aquino of Hamilton. “My sex li…
Tag: dating
Most gorgeous woman you’ve ever met dating local potato
Burnaby, BC – Local residents were shocked and confused to learn that 27-year old Rachel Besimille, a woman so gorgeous that she has caused many to re-evaluate the 1-10 rating scale entirel…
Fruit fly just wants to suck and fuck on your watermelon rinds
KITCHENER, ON – A notorious fruit fly that has been pestering the home of a local couple, has finally been captured early this morning. When his motives were questioned, the fruit fly simpl…
Quarantined fuckboi texts “U up?” endlessly into the void
TORONTO – Since Coronavirus hit, local fuckboi Harold Borowitz, better known by self-proclaimed nickname “DJ Quicksand XII”, has reportedly sent so many unanswered “U up?” texts…
Report: hottest post-quarantine trend for couples will be separate vacations
VANCOUVER – Although the lockdown may not be fully resolved until 2021, many Canadians are already fantasizing about the trips they will take post-COVID, and the freedom that will bring fro…
Local woman joins dating apps in hopes of having pandemic love story
GRIMSBY, ONT – In the midst of the worst global pandemic in recent history, 27-year-old Laura Wallsh has joined multiple dating apps in hopes of swiping right on the greatest love story of …
Local woman celebrates Valentine’s Day by refusing to speak to any man dead or alive
Niagara, ON – Today 29-year-old Marcia Fitzgibbons discovered a novel approach to celebrating Valentine’s Day while single: completely icing out every last man on this godforsaken earth, an…
New study finds link between vaping and dating someone named Cody
WASHINGTON, DC- Health officials across the globe are closely monitoring the effects of vaping following a damning report out of the CDC which found a link between regular e-cigarette usage and a…
New Toronto dating app replaces first date with moving in together to save on rent
TORONTO – In a crowded dating-app marketplace that includes Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, and OK Cupid, a new app has emerged that is marketed specifically toward Toronto singles looking to co-hab…
Report: Most millennials wait until after the third date to be emotionally vulnerable
WINDSOR – A recent report has found that, on average, single Millennials will wait until at least the third date before deciding to be emotionally vulnerable with their partner. Take, for e…