JACKSONVILLE, FL – After months of Florida Governor Ron DeSantis’s ineffective pandemic response, President Biden today announced he is removing his hat in sorrow as he allows Covid-19 to h…
Tag: Biden
Biden pulls troops out of Afghanistan to keep them fresh for next unwinnable war
WASHINGTON, DC – US President Joe Biden announced his administration is preparing to reduce the American military’s presence in Afghanistan, so that the armed forces can prepare for the nat…
Mitch McConnell bites hand that no longer feeds him
WASHINGTON, DC – In a stunning show of bravery Mitch McConnell has publicly blamed President Trump for the January 6th Capitol riots, effectively biting the hand that’s fed him for the past…
Report: Trump still trying to get Biden to touch ‘Freaky Friday’ amulet
WASHINGTON D.C. – As Joe Biden is officially sworn in as the 46th president of the United States, insiders report that former president Trump is currently hiding in the White House hoping t…
Canada extends U.S. border closure to totally arbitrary date of January 21
OTTAWA – The Canadian Border Services Agency has announced that the Canada-U.S. border will remain closed until January 21st, “a date with no specific significance whatsoever.” “We would li…
Op-Ed: Dr. Jill, kiddo, a bit of advice here: drop the “Biden”
by Joe Weitzmann Madame First Lady — Dr. Jill— kiddo: a bit of advice on what may seem like a small but I think is a not unimportant matter. Drop the “Biden.” Take it from me, a white man old eno…
Trump announces rallies, lawsuits in bid to make self too pitiful to arrest
WASHINGTON D.C. – As news outlets confirm their earlier projections of a Biden electoral college win, President Donald Trump has announced further intentions to contest the results in a bid…
World offers to buy U.S. special present if it doesn’t re-elect deranged fascist
NEW YORK CITY – At a special meeting of the full United Nations, the countries of the world came together and resolved to buy America a “pretty cool gift” if it chooses not to r…
Trump hoping he just gets fired so he can at least collect unemployment
WASHINGTON, DC – Recent reports have confirmed that President Donald Trump is hoping to get fired so he can at least collect unemployment. “I don’t know how much longer here I’ve got. My boss is …
Trump writes off debate loss on taxes
CLEVELAND – US President Donald Trump has written off his debate loss to former Vice President Joe Biden on his taxes saving him $5 million in refunds. Despite a time-tested strategy of con…