ESSAY WRITERS NEEDED ASAP. BIG MONEY $$$$$.
ESSAY WRITERS NEEDED ASAP. BIG MONEY $$$$$. Just kidding. Call Pete, 416-555-8312…
Miller announces last minute, drastically scaled-back transit upgrade
TORONTO – Amid growing uncertainties regarding the future of transit expansion in the GTA, Toronto Mayor David Miller held an impromptu press conference this morning to discuss a drastically scal…
Finance Minister auditing undergrad economics lectures
OTTAWA – Canada’s Minister of Finance Jim Flaherty has returned to university to audit undergraduate economics lectures and “expand his mind” on matters of fiscal policy, …
Site disclaimer
The Beaverton is a news satire and parody publication . All articles contained within this website, however similar to real events, are fictitious. When public figures are mentioned by name, the …
Pedestrian not sure if defecated on by bird
TORONTO – A man walking west on Bloor Street near Spadina Ave. believes a pigeon may have defecated on his cheek and right shoulder earlier this morning, but he is unsure. “Could have been …
Area man finally builds up nerve to buy rope from sex shop
TORONTO – A student at Ryerson University spent nearly one hour at a sex shop on Queen St. West building up the nerve to add a bundle of rope to his shopping cart. Mitch Gagnon, 21, spent m…
I am a Frosh Party Animal
By Martin ‘Figs’ Figlinsky My friends, I have to tell you, this year’s frosh celebration was really awesome! The University of Toronto has really topped itself. This was by far one of…
