By Myron Wales
Today’s ladies are looking for a more sophisticated class of man. Gone are the days when a ragamuffin with a heart of gold could win the affection of a fair maid. The modern dating world is a jungle, and only the most sartorial of lions can hope to keep their kill. What sets the lion apart, you may ask? Of course, the mane, nature’s most magnificent headwear.
Headwear. Consider that for a second. That’s where this sweet fedora and I come in.
Admittedly, the fedora-and-trenchcoat might seem like an overly formal combination to wear on a day-to-day basis. That’s why I make sure to always ‘dress it down’, by never pairing them with anything more dressy than comfy jeans, my lucky pair of white running shoes, and a T-shirt with a joke about the words “Their” and “There” and how “They’re” not the same. It’s like mashing up different genres of music, or fusion cuisine, only with your clothes.
Okay, sure. The masses usually tend to think that the fedora is a pretty old-fashioned type of hat. But what they don’t know is that you can’t spell ‘old-fashioned’ without ‘fashion.’ While they slouch about in their baggy pants and gangster grills, I’ll be dazzling the fairer sex with a little touch of old-school class and elegance. Elegance, but with a hint of danger.
After all, didn’t the original gangsters all wear fedoras?
Don’t worry though, I’m a nice guy! I may be eccentric with my trenchcoat and steampunk accoutrements, and I may be mentally intimidating with my in-depth knowledge of the philosophies of Ayn Rand and Nietzsche, but underneath it all, I’m really quite chivalrous and charming, with a pretty random sense of humour.
Cabbages.
See what I mean?
So watch out, ladies! I’m still the same great guy, but I’ve got a dangerous new look. This is totally the semester that I get out of the friend zone, and into the end zone.
Touch. Down.
