Drug-fueled former athlete defeats Hulk Hogan in arm-wrestling match
TORONTO – As part of the annual pop culture spectacle Fan Expo Canada, Rob ‘The Mayor’ Ford today defeated former WWE wrestler Hulk Hogan in an arm-wrestling bout. Despite today’s defeat, a…
Big 3 Canadian telecoms to Verizon: ‘Only Canadian companies can gouge Canadians’
TORONTO – With the threat of a US corporate giant entering the Canadian telecommunications market, Telus, Rogers and Bell stated that only Canadian enterprises have the right to fleece Canadians.…
Office Intern goes mad with lack of power
Toronto – Sources inside the financial firm Dewsom & Thrift are reporting that 24-year old unpaid office intern Eric McDonagh has gone mad with his own lack of power. “At first it was j…
BREAKING: Deep-fried-croissant bacon cheeseburger made by carney is bad for you
TORONTO – Following 12 cases of food poisoning linked to the “cronut burger,” the department of Public Health has shut down the Canadian National Exhibition stand and has warned customers t…
Everyone on camping trip thinks they know what poison ivy looks like
ALGONQUIN, ON – Last weekend, a group camping trip set out with all five members believing they had the ability to quickly and accurately identify poison ivy. “Poison ivy? Don’t even worry …
Georges Laraque: ‘I have to go out there and play a solid by-election’
MONTREAL – After announcing his run for federal public office, former NHL tough guy George Laraque is hoping his long hours of practice and hard work will pay off in the Montreal by-electio…
Ontario Teachers ban cell phones in the classroom
Ontario Teachers voted to ban cellphones in the classroom during their annual general meeting. All phones must now be turned off and stored during school hours. What’s your say? “Turned off? Real…
90-year old skydiver stays at home on birthday
HAMILTON – Having cheated death on 2674 skydiving attempts, 90-year old skydiver Jacqueline Dupray had no interest jumping out of a plane on her birthday. The regular skydiving instructor at Anci…
Memory foam mattress never lets local man forget
GREY COUNTY – Despite constantly trying to distract himself from what happened during that portentous night of November 17, 1996, Owen Sound resident Gabriel Tougas’ polyurethane matt…
Harper prorogues parliament to catch up on Breaking Bad, Mad Men
WHITEHORSE – Prime Minister Harper announced today that he will be proroguing Parliament until October so he can get up to speed with his favorite AMC television shows. “This has been a grueling …
