Ex-Pope Benedict caught playing mini-golf in cutoff jean shorts

THE HOLY SEE – Former Pope Benedict XVI has been spotted for the first time since his abrupt retirement playing a round of mini golf in the suburbs of Rome while sporting cutoff jean shorts. The …

Boy detective discovers Grandpa is having weird sex

HAMILTON, ON – Through the application of deductive methods and gumption, local boy detective Ronald “Reference” Wilson, 11, has made the discovery that his grandfather is havin…

CNN anchors disappointed to discover Malaysian airline mystery just a regular tragedy

ATLANTA – Following weeks of wild round the clock speculation on the nature of the mysterious Malaysian Airlines disappearance, CNN anchors were disappointed to discover that the plane simply cra…

Elizabeth May wins 3rd annual parliamentary Hunger Games

OTTAWA – The Tribute MP representing the British Columbia District has been declared winner of the third annual Canadian Parliamentary Hunger Games after two days of intense combat and cunn…

What this funeral needs is more hops

BY DOUG FALWELL, OWNER & PROPRIETOR, BaTshIt INsaNE BReWerY Ladies and gentlemen, we are gathered here today to mourn the loss of Daniel Burling: son, brother, father, friend. Obviously this …

Hero dog passes climate change regulation

OTTAWA – Breaking through the barriers of political deadlock, entrenched opposition, and conflicting regional interests, a heroic German Shepherd has successfully passed a suite of legislat…

Leafs: ‘We’re only collapsing now to avoid heartbreaking collapse in playoffs.’

TORONTO – In the midst of a 5 game losing streak that has seen them fall from 4th place in the East to nearly out of the playoff picture, the Toronto Maple Leafs have reassured fans that th…

Marois reminds out-of-province students they are in Quebec to subsidize tuition, not vote

MONTREAL – The Parti Québécois updated its website tonight to inform out-of-province students that bankrolling the Quebec’s universities does not make them eligible to vote. “Dear McGill un…

PQ accuses people who don’t vote for them of trying to steal election

MONTREAL – The Parti Quebecois has accused many voters who do not intend to vote for their party of attempting to steal the provincial election. “We have reported the influxes of these non-…

Harper reveals Canadian Ministry of Magic, announces sweeping cuts

OTTAWA – At a press conference today Prime Minister Stephen Harper made two announcements: first, he revealed the astounding truth of a government department that oversees Canada’s various …