SAINT JOHN, N.B. — At a press conference this morning J.D. Irving Ltd. announced that they were going to start “folding up operation” of the bilingual province of 751,171 people. “New Brunswick ...
Progressives applaud nation’s willingness to take powerful man seriously despite good looks
OTTAWA—Following the election of Justin Trudeau as Canada’s next Prime Minister, advocates for equality and civility in political discourse have congratulated Canadian voters for demonstrating that a ...
Local man no longer talking about job he’s “totally gonna get”
MONTREAL – A local man’s group of friends have grown suspicious of his silence on the topic of the job he was “totally gonna get”. A neighbourhood cafe where three men convene several times a da...
Justin Trudeau files 35 million workplace harassment complaints against Canada
OTTAWA – Less than one week after guiding his party to a surprise majority in the federal election, Prime Minister-designate Justin Trudeau has already filed 35 million workplace harassment complaints...
Justin Trudeau returns to 24 Sussex to find his old crusty socks
OTTAWA — Prime Minister-designate Justin Trudeau had time to visit his old childhood homestead where he found his secret pair of old crusty socks. The pair of stained yellow Hanes socks with a s...
KFC introduces bucket of chicken skins
LOUISVILLE – With a bold ad campaign featuring the slogan “Who are we even kidding anymore?” KFC introduced its new “Bucket of Skins” earlier this month, and it has instantly become an all-time ...
Gilles Duceppe quits Bloc leadership to seek Bloc leadership again
MONTREAL — Bloc Québécois leader Gilles Duceppe has announced his resignation so that he may seek a third term as Bloc Quebecois leader. “My friends, I take full responsibility for the party’s p...
Victim of stolen unicycle files for identity theft
MONTREAL — Police issued a state of emergency last night when local “pretty chill guy” Trenton Brenner filed for identity theft shortly after the disappearance of his prized unicycle. Based on e...
Erotic novel really overestimates appeal of euphemism ‘porking’
CALGARY – Critics of Marie Montgomery’s latest erotic novel, Angela’s Awakening, have unanimously agreed that the book suffers from an overuse of the verb “porking” to describe the act of making...
Benjamin Netanyahu claims Hitler was ‘just following orders’
JERUSALEM – At a meeting of the World Zionist Congress in Jerusalem this week, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu claimed that Adolf Hitler was ‘just following orders’ from Haj Amin al-Husseini...
