TORONTO – The Blue Jays have announced the departure of General Manager Alex Anthopolous due to a contract dispute in which Rogers was only able to promise him 150 long distance minutes. “Are th...
Bombardier develops new jet capable of breaking government bailout barrier
MIRABEL — In an effort the revolutionize the Canadian aerospace industry, Bombardier Inc. has been tirelessly working to break the taxpayer investment barrier with a newer version of the CSeries...
Confused ventriloquist can’t find favourite dummy or carving knife
DEER CREVICE, ON – Despite searching nearly everywhere, professional ventriloquist Alfred “The Amazing” de Lancy cannot find his best dummy, “Buster”, or the gleaming 8-inch kitchen knife that u...
Canada Post hires former FLQ members to blow up community mailboxes
MONTREAL — In what will be a tremendous task of removing thousands of community mailboxes, Canada Post has hired former members of Quebec’s defunct separatist paramilitary group to destroy them....
Full-grown snake only 4th most terrifying thing in bar bathroom
DEER CREVICE, ON – A group of university students reportedly received their 4th biggest shock of the night after discovering a full-grown snake inside the washroom of local dive bar, “Arty’s”. “...
Ghost of Samuel de Champlain stuck in rush hour traffic on Champlain bridge
MONTREAL — After establishing a spectral fur-trading post on the island of Montreal, Monday, the ghost of Samuel de Champlain was caught in evening rush hour traffic as he headed south on his na...
City of Calgary to rename unemployment office after Stephen Harper
CALGARY – City officials have announced that they will move to rename the municipal office that handles employment insurance and welfare claims after soon to be former Prime Minister Stephen Har...
Geriatric riot erupts after Stuart Mclean show cancelled
EDMONTON — A live show of Stuart Mclean’s Vinyl Cafe show scheduled to appear in Edmonton was cancelled causing a riot among disappointed octogenarians and retirees . After the venue announced t...
WHO report convinces chain smoker to give up red meat
TORONTO – Citing a new study from the World Health Organization linking red and processed meats to cancer, lifelong smoker Sofia Vial has vowed to never again eat bacon, ham, sausages, steak, or hambu...
Used mirror still has old owner’s reflection in it
DEER CREVICE, ON – Local woman Lauren Badami is considering returning a defective antique mirror she purchased that still reflects the cold, grey likeness of a man she assumes was its previous o...
