MONTREAL – A local man’s group of friends have grown suspicious of his silence on the topic of the job he was “totally gonna get”.
A neighbourhood cafe where three men convene several times a day is the birthplace of a newborn suspicion that Ryan Gunderson did not get the job he was “totally gonna get”.
“He used to go maybe five minutes, tops, without talking about that job,” reveals Ryan’s friend Markus Riverdale, “but now, it’s like that job doesn’t even exist.”
“It’s actually kind of strange,” said Dale Rivermarks of the situation, “for about three weeks, it was almost like talking about getting that job was part of his identity.” He coughed. “He wanted it so bad.”
“Maybe they’re just waiting to invite him for a second interview,” said Riverdale. “The manager was probably intimidated by him,” said Rivermarks. However, experts speculate that the most likely scenario is that Gunderson has not been selected for the position.
When pressed for information about the job, Ryan offered a concise reply: “Am I qualified for the position? Absolutely. I’m overqualified. Do I like my chances? Sure. Have they returned my calls? That’s for me to know and you to find out.”
At press time, according to Riverdale and Rivermarks, Gunderson is still unemployed. When reached by reporters for comment, Gunderson stated that he “didn’t even want that job anyway.”
