NORTH AMERICA – As women and minorities seek more equitable treatment in politics, education, and the workforce, one man, Derek Smith, has promised to support their cause as long as he can keep ...
All of nation’s ampersands drawn the wrong way
TORONTO – A 76-page report released by the Ontario Institute for Studies in Education has revealed that “every last one” of the ampersands created by hand in Canada has been drawn incorrectly. “As we ...
Assault rifles to give Toronto police confidence to handle scared teens with knives
TORONTO – Dozens of Toronto police officers will soon be equipped with semi-automatic assault rifles, which the force hopes will help allay some issues officers have had in dealing with frighten...
Uber passengers impressed with speed, efficiency of uninsured collisions
TORONTO – With the Uber ridesharing service now transporting thousands of riders in Toronto daily, many customers are reporting being impressed by Uber’s approach to collision insurance, namely ...
Hotel janitor getting real sick of bleeding walls
GREY PEAK, AB – After thirteen years as custodian of the historic Everwatch Inn, Gerald Davis is fed up with cleaning the rivulets of human blood that constantly seep from the hotel’s wall...
Local mom gifts daughter item clearly bought for herself
Markham, ON — Local mother Wendy Reese has confirmed allegations that the most recent gift she gave to her daughter Sarah Reese was, in fact, initially purchased for herself. The item in questio...
Overhead oxygen masks accidentally deployed at Bank of Canada’s fiscal update
OTTAWA — Canadian journalists and investors were sent into a panic after the Bank of Canada Governor deployed the press room’s emergency breathing apparatuses by mistake. The incident occurred a...
This oil crisis is what happens when you disturb an ancient dinosaur burial ground
BY: PROFESSOR LOUISIANA HARKER I’ve been all over this great, mysterious world of ours: from the Nazca Lines in Peru to the hidden Tonsoon tribes in Tanzania, from the ancient crypts of the Viking cit...
Three guys who return foundling baby ruin hilarious premise
EDMONTON – The potential for gut-busting comedy and madcap antics has been extinguished after three unlikely bachelors, Joe, Moe and Perot, promptly returned a baby that unexpectedly arrived on their ...
Nation’s left-alone dogs floored by latest episode of Murdoch Mysteries
NATIONWIDE – After a hair-raising episode that placed Murdoch, Ogden, and the whole gang in personal danger, the nation’s dogs that have been left alone with the TV on so that they don’t get too...
