Child dying from measles just glad he isn’t autistic
TORONTO – Quarantined in his hospital room after contracting a fatal case of measles, little Timothy Bartlet told reporters how glad he was that his parents opted not to vaccinate for fear …
Harper Lee’s ‘To Cook a Mockingbird’ due out in July
NEW YORK – 55 years after the release of American author Harper Lee’s Pulitzer Prize-winning hunting guide To Kill a Mockingbird, the long-awaited sequel To Cook a Mockingbird will debut in…
Men’s Right groups protest removal of penis-shaped map at Downsview bus station
TORONTO – After TTC officials took down a penis-shaped map of the bus terminal at Downsview station, members of the National Coalition of Men announced a sit-in to protest the continuing war on p…
Doctors without Borders to open free measles clinics inside vegan restaurants and organic grocery grow ops
PORTLAND – In a new move to combat measles in North America, Doctors Without Borders (MSF) have started opening up vaccination clinics in the types of places where children without vaccines are m…
Man on deathbed asks children for iPhone 6
TORONTO – A 68 year-old man suffering from pancreatic cancer has asked his adult children to purchase him the new iPhone 6 so he can cross ‘experiencing all of Apple’s new features…
Puppy Bowl rocked by accusations squeaky balls intentionally deflated
LOS ANGELES – Animal Planet executives have been inundated with accusations that the squeaky balls used during the annual Puppy Bowl were severely deflated to fit the needs of lead quarter …
Immigrant doctor successfully delivers 2.5 pound pizza
WOODBRIDGE, ON. – Drawing on expertise as an obstetrician that the Canadian government does not recognize, local pizzeria employee Bishal Thule has successfully delivered a two-and-a-half-p…
Schools celebrate Black History Month with abolition of Canadian slavery from history curriculum
TORONTO – To kick off Black History Month in Canada, schools across the country have successfully abolished all forms of Canadian slavery from the nation’s history. “Teaching about Canadian…
Report: Decreased interest rate will cause Canadian calendar increase of 2.7 days, or something
In the wake of the Bank of Canada’s recent interest rate cut and wide speculation about its impact on inflation, the housing market, and the economy as a whole, overwhelmed experts are now predic…
