CANADA – After a ‘wild night’, where emotions and alcohol ‘may have gotten a little out of hand’, the nation has woken up with a splitting headache, next to Justin Trudeau.
“Ohh boy,” said the country, looking over at the sleeping Trudeau and flinching. “I really hope nobody ever finds out about this.”
Although this was ‘100% a rebound thing’ after its lengthy, unpleasant breakup with Stephen Harper, the nation says it can live with itself as long as this ‘never, ever’ happens again.
“Really, the Bill C-51 guy? The guy who’s friends with Bill Blair?” said New Zealand, over Snapchat. “Tell me he at least doesn’t have a douchey native-inspired tattoo.”
New Zealand then went on to call the nation a ‘total streetwalker’ for going all the way to 184 seats with someone on a first election.
While the nation has tried to quietly extricate itself from Justin and Sophie’s limbs, sources say the numerous Liberal party youth still fanning the bed with palm fronds are refusing to keep their mouths shut.
At press time, Justin was already texting the nation, asking if they were free to ‘just chill out and watch Netflix’’ in four years time.
