Sidewalks furious over new walksharing app
TORONTO, ON – Following the release of Strollr, the new walksharing app by the creators of Uber, sidewalks across the city have expressed discontent, claiming that the app undermines their …
Woman sensually undresses all dressed chips
PARIS — Yesterday, seated before a roaring fire in a spacious hotel room, local woman Julie Chambers, slowly and ever so tenderly, undressed a bag of all dressed chips as though for the first tim…
Hillary tries to court younger voters by announcing that she is also voting for Bernie
WASHINGTON – Following Hillary’s loss in the New Hampshire primary, the Clinton Campaign has decided to connect with millennial voters by emphasizing that, like them, she is voting for Bernie San…
Study: Half of nation lay awake worrying about what they said to the other half
OTTAWA — Last night, roughly half of the country’s population was awake in bed worrying about what they recently said to the remaining population. According to the Sleep Restlessness Instit…
Media enters 7th day of in-depth Marie Henein wardrobe coverage
TORONTO – Canadian media outlets have entered day 7 of their expert trial reporting that gets the facts on exactly what Marie Henein is wearing and how good she looks while wearing it. “She…
Ghomeshi witness discredited while being attacked by Ghomeshi on the stand
TORONTO – The third woman to testify in the Jian Ghomeshi sexual assault trial has had her testimony discredited, this time while being allegedly choked by the former CBC radio star while o…
Aviation museum recalls Canada’s fighter jets from ISIS conflict
OTTAWA – The national museum dedicated to the historic study of Canadian flight has recalled six CF-18s that were being used in the fight against the Islamic State. “We were happy to loan t…
Judgmental look from passerby convinces man to be better parent
WINNIPEG – Lives were changed at the Portage Place Shopping Centre this morning as a smug and condescending look from local woman Lydia Nost convinced up-til-then neglectful father Jason Mo…
CanCon laws force last hour of Super Bowl broadcast to be replaced with 1997 Grey Cup
TORONTO – The CRTC has announced that the Canadian radio and television broadcast of Super Bowl 50 will violate minimum Canadian content (or CanCon) rules and, therefore, they have no choice but …
